I Want to Cry -TMI Sex Life Talk

Everything is hitting me at once. My period is over a month late.

My husband found a new video game, and I’ve been so horny lately and I try to get his attention, and I get nothing in return. I dance topless, start giving a blow job, offer to sexy shower. I might get sex, but he gets “tired” and can’t finish and goes back to his game. Please note, he’s not usually a gamer. He gets random spurts where he finds a game he likes and then gets ridiculously addicted to them. We have had sex 20-25 times in five months. 20 times in which he has finished with me, and five times which he has not. I got my birth control out November 7th and we’ve been trying since. For three days in a row I’ve begged him for sex and he agrees, but the second he finally logs off his game and gets in bed, he’s too tired. Today I finally got him and he wanted a blow job and I wanted him to be really into it, so I agreed. Usually he gets the feeling from it he wants and pulls me up. This time he didn’t and he just finished in my mouth. I was so upset I wanted to cry. I didn’t though. But I did break down and ask him why he’s not interested in sex with me anymore. He said he feels like it’s turned more into a job than it has for pleasure. I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve been pretty lenient about having sex to only get sex 25 times in 5 months when we’ve agreed to start trying for a baby? Am I wrong?

Anyway, that’s bothering me. I just got an email from amazon saying my card got declined from a purchase I made two days ago for my bbt thermometer. I have to wait until May 29th for my appointment with my doctor because of my missed period to find out if I may have PCOS or other underlying issues. I just took a test because the last time we had sex was two and a half weeks ago and I was like “why the hell not” and it was, of course, negative. I’ve been taking OPKs every month for about 7-12 days straight between periods when I was having them to see if I could find ovulation and I never could, and the app is definitely wrong for me or I’m just not ovulating.

I have no answers for anything I want answers for. My husband feels like having sex with me is a job because he’d rather play video games. COVID19 has me stressed out because I’m home all day alone while my husband goes to work and then comes home straight to the game. He’s been doing this for five weeks straight. I’ve been home from work for three weeks. I’m going crazy. I feel like I have no control over my sexual love life right now or even my own body as it isn’t working properly. My only best friend is a 27 year old virgin, so she has no idea the ups and downs of trying to get pregnant. I just want to cry guys. I’m so upset and so tired of feeling out of control. I’m a talker and talk about my feelings when I’m upset. But I’ve talked about my feelings and they don’t seem to matter at this point as it’s changed nothing. 😭

I’m sorry. Pity Party over... 😢