Broken Engagement

In August of 2019 my boyfriend and I got engaged after 4 years of dating. I went to college and realized I was so much happier without him. I felt like I was finally free. I had been unhappy for 3 years but thought getting married would fix things. We were toxic.

Right now he lives with me (it’s a long story, thanks covid-19 🙄) but we are honestly still best friends. We just work better that way without any romantic feelings.

But... here’s where I messed up. I’m on my period and I’m emotional and I think irrationally. I started asking him questions and I wanted him to be 100% honest for once. I found out he thinks I would be prettier if I didn’t have a bump on my nose, my boobs should be bigger, my labia minora flaps could be smaller, my eyes should be lighter, and with all that and if I had bleach blonde hair... I would be prettier. Every time he told me I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen was a lie. He said I used to be but then there’s 3 other girls. I’m 4th place. 1. Margot Robbie 2. Emma Watson 3. Some streamer girl he thought was cute even when we were about to get married. I’m 4th. He rated me on a scale of 1-10. I’m a 7.9. I really thought he’d rate me higher.

I know it’s really stupid and bad of me. But I hurt so much. I was learning to love all of my insecurities... and turns out he didn’t really like anything I was insecure of either. 💔

I just wish I could be someone’s number one and first choice and pretty enough.