What they never told me about breastfeeding

Question

Disclaimer. This is my personal feelings/ experience. I’m not looking for advice just looking to rant/vent
Advice would just make me feel worse tbh 
breastfeeding is hard. Like mentally and physically hard. 
Don’t produce enough milk. So i go to formula. My husband says it’s okay and not your fault but then complain that if only I fed him the “free stuff” it’d be easier. I research. I try everything and nothing. I get a shred of hope. I only get slapped with reality. After hours I leak and pump only to find out I produced less then yesterday. Instead of losing weight (the supposed benefits of breastfeeding) I gain weight because I eat those “extra calories” that’s recommended. ALL FOR NOTHING. When I feed him. My husband pressures me to breastfeed because “we should use the free stuff before the expensive stuff” 
The baby gets irritated because he’s hungry and not getting anything. Then he tells you how easy it was for his ex to breastfeed and how he never had to do any of this with his first. So then I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. Women claim things worked for them so you try those things. Then i feel worse because the methods aren’t the problem. I AM. Then when I finally take a break from the mental stress. My apps are showing me nothing but women breastfeeding and how much milk they produce that they just throw it away. Feeding time is supposed to be a bonding time but just makes me feel crappy and dread it. I push it off to my husband because my baby doesn’t need me to be feed.

Answer

It is not advice, but it is not your fault that you don't have enough milk. All women are different and i know bunch of them who even didn't have any of milk! And personally i think you are doing great, momma!

Answer

Oh hun, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I’m so for breastfeeding for all the wonderful benefits but that baby needs to be fed and have a healthy mama and that is what’s most important. Don’t be so hard on yourself and you should talk to your husband about how his comments are making you feel. They’re so insensitive and he probably doesn’t realize it’s hurting you. I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job so make a bottle of formula and enjoy the fact that you’re able to feed that beautiful baby of yours! Every mom has struggles in their journey, my daughter was the worst sleeper foreverrrr and I thought I was losing my sanity for some of those months. This will pass, and your baby is healthy, it’s ok to be disappointed but do not let it consume you and do not get down on yourself ❤️

Answer

Fed is best. Whether you breast feed exclusively, formula feed or both. You need to do what you feel is best for baby. I’m sorry your SO isn’t helping you mentally but he needs to understand all women and all pregnancies are different. Stay strong momma!

Answer

1 your postpartum
2 breastfeeding is hard! Even for those who have it"easy"
3 you're feeling worst bcz the person who's supposed to support you, isn't. 
4 breastfeeding is NOT  "free" it's at YOUR mental and physical health. 
5 obviously his ex isn't that great if he's not with her anymore, so do not go to his level and start comparing yourself to another woman he's no longer with. So what she could bf, we aren't all built the same.
You are not a bad mom.
You are not less if you can't/choose not to breastfeed
Your child will still grow to be 1,2,3,4 and will still love you no matter what
And guess what, in 10 years this won't matter!
Fed. is. Best. 
To clarify, I breastfed both my babies. It was "easy" for me. But I am NO BETTER THAN YOU. let me say that again. I easily breastfed my babies and I am NO better, no more of a woman, than you. 
You carried and birthed life, love that soul. And do what's best for both of you, no one else.

Answer

My husband wants me to breast feed due to his first two children with his ex wife being formula fed and having numerous health problems/allergies thinking its was from the formula... when I got home from the hospital though I just cried in pain from how bad my breasts hurt. I wanted to sleep, but needed to pump because my boobs would get large lumps and I have to massage them out while pumping. Honestly if mentally it’s better for you for formula then do it. Our husbands aren’t the ones up all night with our little ones and feeding them. I still pump here and there, but I now give my little guy some formula. I told my husband I was doing it and didn’t care what his opinion was. So far it’s going great. He doesn’t always seem SO hungry.

Answer

I've been there. I had to take a break from the apps, everything was making me feel awful about not being able to breastfeed.

Answer

It is definitely not your fault. I had the same issue. Every womans body is different. I couldn't produce enough milk no matter how much i tried pumping or tried to get him to latch it just didn't work out. Yes it may be free and give you and baby health benefits but its not for everyone. Formula is fine and you can always go get wic and get a break from having to buy so much. Its better to have some help. Dont let your husband put you down he doesn't know a womens body and the stress we put on ourselves through to please everyone. Stay positive momma!

Answer

I will share this. It’s long and I have it typed out saved on my phone lol I do this because so many will STILL try to tell me...well you could have tried this... 🙄 I cloth diapered, made all the pureed food (we started him on it and then about a month later started BLW), and I was as natural as they come (I did vaccinate, however). It was like a long awaited dream to get to breastfeed. I went to all the classes and read the books and Kelly Mom was my jam. My son was born and the first thing I did during skin to skin (after staring at his little face) was try to get him to feed. He latched. I thought it was time for all the magic!! The entire 48 hours after the birth while in the hospital, if he wasn’t on my boob, he was screaming. Nothing we did would settle him. He just sucked and sucked. I remember feeling like my nipples were covered in blistered before the morning we left to go home. We got home and more of the same. Just had to be feeding. The BCLC from my hospital came to see me before discharge and she wasn’t even getting colostrum out. They told me to keep trying. He went to his appt the day after we came home and the pediatrician said he hadn’t lost weight so keep going but if I had to, go use a pacifier as this kid was literally on my boob or crying. I tried different positions, drank teas, tried the supplements, ate the cookies, even choked down a beer, and nothing. Baby is attached, no one is sleeping, at one point I had him in one arm and I’m standing at my counter bawling and eating dark cup I loaf baking chips with the other. Why tf was this so hard for me? Finally, the third night he’s home, my parents invite us over for dinner. We go...I needed out of the house. He had a wet diaper that morning but it’s about 5 and when I’m getting the diaper bag packed it hits me in my sleep exhausted heart that I haven’t changed his diaper and I start crying (again) and ask my husband if he’s changed him all day. His response was the same I had, he hadn’t needed it. Pure freaking panic mode. I call the on call doctor and he immediately tells me to supplement with formula and kept reassuring me that I’m okay for it and that I’m not a terrible mother. My sweet little boy, 4 days old, chugs this bottle (my mom thankfully had formula from my nephew) and literally sleeps for five straight hours immediately after. He would maybe sleep an hour before. We take him to the doctor the next day and he has lost weight. I’m told to offer breast, offer bottle, then pump. I don’t remember ever even feeling like I was engorged, going to leak, etc in weeks following his birth. Finally, around 6 weeks, I’m getting him fed. He starting to get really fussy the more breast milk he was getting than formula. Turned out he had acid reflux. Bad. Was put on Zantac. I changed my diet. I go for my 6 week pp appt. I have endo and my pain was getting bad again so I’m put on the mini pull. A week later, not a drop is coming out of me. That is when I finally said I’m done. I now have a 2.5 year old. He’s never had an ear infection. Has not had to have more than one sick visit since he turned a year old (and even then he wasn’t sick...teething was kicking his butt), he walked on time, and his speech is phenomenal. I am hell bent on trying it all again with baby 2 but I can promise you, I will never put myself through all that again. My cousin went straight to formula and she has an amazing bond with her daughter.

Answer

Honestly your hubby can f right off. If mine does this I will let him have it.

Answer

1. He’s an A-hole for comparing you both, how would he like it if you compared him to one of your exes in an inferior way?? & he should know being a parent ain’t cheap like screw the “free stuff” if formula seems a lot to him then why are you having more  kids? Btw not saying he’s a horrible person but guys can be insensitive or a-holes at times.
2. Breastfed 2 kids and with one I had lots of milk the other not so much and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. But literally it’s not your fault if you aren’t producing enough milk it happens 🤷🏽‍♀️ everyone and every time is different.
3. Could be baby not latching right or sucking right or maybe baby has a tongue/lip tie (your body may not be the reason) 
4. After the beginning Your body adapts to only produce the milk your baby usually drinks and if baby isn’t eating much then your body doesn’t feel the need to make more milk thus you feel like you aren’t producing enough.
  
I’m no bfeeding expert but in total I’ve breastfed for 3 years (that’s adding my 2 kids time) and that’s some of what I’ve learned so far in all that time. Idk how long you’ve been breastfeeding but I encourage you to keep going. Motherhood isn’t easy what’s so ever and we learn as we go 😫 If you feel like it’s causing too much strain on you then by all means do what’s healthy for yourself and what will make you happy. Babies/kids don’t care what you feed them as long as you love them 😊💜

What they never told me about breastfeeding

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