Can’t get over it.. it’s cheating right?

Question

Sorry for the long post. So I just gave birth to my fist baby exactly a month ago. And just about 4days ago I found some messages on my boyfriends/baby daddy’s phone. With two different girls. We’ve had problems before because of these SAME TWO girls before. This time around the messages I found with girl number 1, were from about two months ago (so I was getting close to my due date then) he was telling her how much he craved her, how much he loved her body and how bad he wanted to take her to bed... in the conversation he DOES tell her that no matter how bad he craves her he wouldn’t actually sleep with her, cause he knows how he has a gf at home and a baby on the way. Reading everything he told her hurt me so so so bad. Specially cause I’ve never really been comfortable in my own body.. and ever since giving birth I’ve lost so much weight. I keep going back to the girls pictures just looking at how she has a nice body, you know? Like she has an ass and boobs and she’s curvy. Okay and with girl number 2 she posted pictures on her sc story and he replied commenting on her nice legs. There’s parts of the conversation missing but he’s asking for “sexy” pictures and she is telling him that she misses HIM. I felt like shit when I found the messages, he was asleep next to me and I was feeding our newborn when I was reading the messages... I was shaking so bad. After breakfast I confronted him. Told him how I had read the messages. He didn’t say much. He just left to the other room and after a while he came up to me and hugged me. I asked him, why?! Why did he do that, why did he say that. I asked him if he knew how shitty I felt specially when he knows how much I hate  
my postpartum body. Anyways we ended up I guess forgetting about it. And we’ve been okay since then. It’s only been almost a week since I found these messages but I can’t keep my mind of everything I read. I feel like shit. And as I’m writing this I’m shaking. I love this guy so so much. I’ve been there for him always. I don’t understand why, why he does that. I want us to be okay. I really do. Not just because we have a babygirl now, but because I truly truly love him. And yes I know I know I’m stupid for not walking away. Cause I know any other girl would’ve left him. I don’t really have anyone to tell this to, I just had to get it off my chest. I had to tell someone. But I’m to embarrassed to tell someone personally.

Answer

Yes... that’s cheating. He got pictures from other girls. While you’re freaking pregnant with his baby. That’s really really bad. He’s talking to other girls in a sexual flirty way. Not okay. This needs to NOT be forgotten about. You cannot let this sit. If you have had problems with these things before, it’ll keep happening until you make a change. And your baby deserves to see you happy, in a healthy relationship. And babies can sense stress and anxiety. 
Now, to say any other girl would leave, I don’t think is the case. You just had a baby.... with him. Most girl would probably not leave him. I don’t think he slept with another girl. And even if they say leave.... court is not fun. Speaking from person experience. Two years later and still spending thousands in court costs, attorney bills and such and such. 
Try to work things out for your baby. Because she deserves parents, that are together and happy. 
PP body’s rock. Obviously you don’t think that, but you just had A HUMAN living inside you for nine freaking months. Be proud of what you’ve done and give yourself a break. Be happy with who you are, because that is not easy. Pray about this to god. These times are hard, and hormones are probably all over the board. Just try to talk about it, sit down and be calm and just talk it out, figure something out to where he won’t cheat again. ( Emotional ) but please good luck to you. And congratulations on the newborn baby.

Answer

I apologize. So many of my friends say that the father of their child cheated or was close to when they were pregnant, it makes me sad and scared to even get pregnant. I’m sorry he did that to you, but he’s an assh. Work on yourself and your confidence, you deserve it! And then dump him and find someone better if needed (:

Answer

Everyone has a different definition of what cheating is to them - but I would say this is close enough. It’s very sad to me that you’ve had this problem in the past and he did it again, and while you were pregnant nonetheless. That’s concerning. How could you ever trust he wouldn’t do it again in the future, or worse, he wouldn’t actually cheat on you somewhere down the line? 
I get that for men - not much changes while their partners are pregnant. And they cannot possibly understand the discomfort, the body changes, the insecurity, & so much more that comes with pregnancy. And I get that they’re consumed by sex...whether it be physically, porn, instagram “models”, cam girls, etc...& they’re horny pervs 99.9% of the time - but that doesn’t justify entertaining other women when you have one, let alone one that is growing your child. I had a some what similar issue but it was a porn problem that trickled into social media. And I was so devastated, especially because when I found out about it, I had just given birth to my son & I struggled with body image my whole pregnancy & discovering the porn addiction after repeatedly being told lies, I had never felt so disgusted, inadequate, and insecure in my entire life. 
I hope for your sake, you and your partner can have a conversation about this and he commits to change and follows through. I know leaving him would be a tough decision to make, especially with a child in the mix - but personally,  if he slips up again, that would be the final straw for me. And I have been in that very situation. I caught my fiancé time and time again doing the same shit we’d fought about for months before I finally was like look, you pull this shit one more time, I’m gone. I refuse to stay with someone who claims to love me yet doesn’t respect my boundaries and can and will lie right to my face. All my trust in you is gone - and if we’re going to make it, I need to be able to trust you, so you need to do everything in your power to prove I can. As times has gone on, I’ve forgiven him the best I can, I’ve moved past it the best I can, and laid of the social media checks, and to my knowledge, my partner has kept his word. And I’m hoping the same for you. Best of luck to you love ♥️

Answer

If he did it once he is going to continue to do it again and you will only just get hurt every time. He doesn’t care, it’s sad to say but you really should think about if you want to continue to be with someone that is doing those things. And shame on those nasty ass hoes. They know he is taken and yet they get a kick out of it smh! and don’t feel insecure those things can be fixed easily, you just had a baby. He needs to be appreciative and thankful that you gave him a baby and mommy bodies are beautiful regardless. NO REAL MAN should ever crave any other woman when he has his at home. He is just an idiot. I know you love him but does he love you?? think about how things would be a few years from now and if you found out stuff like this again ? You don’t deserve to settle for forgiving him every time he has to do some horny stupid shit. He has not respect at all. It’s hard to leave but not impossible. There are two options stay and deal with it and you cant get mad because you know or leave and move on.

Answer

Walk away before it gets worse. He will do it again and if your okay sharing your mans dick then Work it out but from his actions of hugging you and sweeping it under the rug he’s treating you like a doormat. A man shows his true colors when your pregnant with their child. You deserve better than that and fk those girls if they knew you were pregnant.

Answer

It’s been a week and you are forgetting about it.... honey I suggest you definitely try to work things out with him but dear!! make him pay for it longer than a WEEK! Let him know for sure you will walk out if you find this crap again. I went through this... I was pregnant when I found out and I left. But for a long time telling him there was no more chance with me. Till he was begging on his knees to me. He even asked forgiveness to my parents for offending them! He talked with my sister how he could get me to come home and she just shrugged her shoulders and said IDK you screwed up... it’s been 7 year now and he has not done the slightest thing in that manner again....so make him pay and maybe things can work out.

Answer

Therapy, if you want the relationship to work then you need to go to couples therapy. But he has to be remorseful and want to change, otherwise it'll be a waste of time.

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It's chesting and I strongly suggest you leave unless you're okay with hin doing this again and again and again

Answer

If he can do it again then he really doesn't care about u.. once is bad enough but more than that and it's just taking the piss out of u.. especially as u are the mother of his child.. he has no regard for u.. the reason he keeps doing it.. is because u forgive him the first time.. he knows he can do it again and u'll just forgive him.. my advice is.. just co parent.. it will save u alot more hurt in the future.

Can’t get over it.. it’s cheating right?

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