Should I give my baby to her dad?

Question

So idk where to start but I’ll try to make it short. I’m 18 weeks pregnant and waiting on the results from a genetic test. My child may have Treacher Collins and the severity can vary vastly. On an ultrasound the doctor only mentioned bulging eyes but I feel she has more problems then just that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to care for a special needs child. I’m not very mentally stable myself and idk if my mental state would deteriorate even more. A part of me loves her and wants to hope for the best but another part feels like I can’t do it and should just let her dad have her. What would you ladies do in my shoes? (We are waiting for the genetic test but I’m 99% sure I already know) I kinda feel like shit for saying if it’s negative I’d like to keep her though. Idk what to do!

Answer

Ultimately it comes to what you feel is the absolute best option for your child in order to give them the best life possible. If you feel like you won't be able to care for them to the best of your ability then you should consider other options. And I know you're going to get people who make you feel like shit if that's the decision you make, but I just want you to remember that this is the hardest decision a mother has to make. And you deciding that her father can care for her better is not selfish. It's actually incredibly selfless because this is not an easy choice at all. You are putting your child's needs above your own. I know this is a tough decision to face and wish you the very best❤

Answer

I'm not trying to be rude.. but I think maybe she would be better off with her dad either way..

Answer

I think you should do what you think is best for her. Don't feel like a bad person for making a decision that ultimately will better her quality of life, whether your involved or not.

Answer

A lot can change by the time you give birth. I’d wait to see how you feel then. Maybe seek some mental health help in the meantime.

Answer

Its perfectly normal. Just do what is best for you both

Answer

I feel like if you know deep down you can’t take care of the baby then yes it is best. Reason I say that is because I know what it’s like to struggle with kids when I’m not mentally okay and just children without a genetic disorder is hard. Do what you feel is best. I applaud you for going through with the pregnancy despite all that’s going on. Be strong sweetie. 💕

Answer

Shouldn't her dad be involved regardless??

Answer

Whatever it is do your best, try to work with the father to raise her either way. You won’t realize that you can rise to the task until you try. Heck I know my parents were already worried about me being a teenager and then I got diagnosed as neurodivergent I think my mom actually needed about a month to process it all. There are plenty of support services that can help you if you need it too.

Answer

I think most parents doubt their ability to care for a special needs child. Heck, many parents doubt their ability to care for any child when they start thinking about it. Use this time to educate yourself. Educate yourself on the condition and educate yourself on the resources that are helpful to parents of special needs children. Resources such as support groups for parents, play groups for the kids, therapy for whoever needs it, health advocates, and so on. You don’t need to make any decision right now. However, I don’t think you should count yourself out just because you’re afraid you can’t do it. Being worried you can’t care for her does not mean you can’t. So would you rather try, learn, and adapt? Or would you rather never try, live with not knowing whether you could or not, and feed into your low self esteem? Your mental health is something you’ll need to nurture for the rest of your life. So in my opinion, that’s what you should be doing right now. Building confidence and supports so you don’t stoop to thinking the worst of yourself. Good luck! Wishing the best for you and your daughter.

Should I give my baby to her dad?

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