I don’t know what to do anymore

So I’m 17 and Mexican. My boyfriend is also 17. My parents are strict and don’t let me go out with him and so my boyfriend and keep arguing about it. He comes from a family where his father left him when he was very young and would never acknowledge him as his son. Then his mother got together with a new man and had his sister. They ended up divorcing and now she has a new boyfriend who has a child from a past relationship. His sisters are half his age and are almost never around due to split custody. He has depression and anxiety. It got better when he and I started dating and we’ve been together for 2 and a half years now. I’ve never really gotten to see him much outside of school and our extracurriculars. When we do hang out it’s usually with friends there too so my parents don’t freak out. We’ve argued about not being able to see each other a lot lately. I’m just tired of being alive. I don’t know what I wanna study. I don’t know if I wanna follow my older brother into the Air Force. Everything is just so overwhelming and I’m tired of living. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m just useless. I don’t wanna be here but I don’t wanna kill myself and hurt my family. I feel like I should see a therapist but I don’t want my family to feel bad about me not being in the right state of mind. I’m used to getting good grades and being a good daughter. But I’m just feeling so defeated. I also don’t wanna break up with my boyfriend because I really love him and his family. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m sorry this is so long.