Detached

Alright, so things have been extra rocky lately. Being 24 weeks pregnant doesn't help my mental health at all. I'm really lost and currently crying on bed and I'm not sure where to turn anymore. When I was seeing somebody about my mental health it didn't particularly help. I can only really tackle it in the moment and when I go in to an appointment my fake ass "I'm in public pretending to be happy so people don't think me weak or pitty me" face. My husband doesn't care that I keep crying. He doesn't seem worried that he's causing it. I'm terrified of post partum depression because I know it's gonna hit me like a freight train. Right now I both want to be as far away from my husband as humanly possibl and I want him to come hold me while I fall apart and neither is even gonna happen. I don't know who to turn to. i don't have friends. I wanna drown my sorrows in alcohol like I used to... but again, I'm pregnant and can't. I know that is also not the healthy thing to do, but it usually helped. I am now just feeling so drained and lost and this whole post is a hot mess with no straight train of thought, I just feel all alone and have no where to go and no one to talk to, even the handful of people who have said theyd be there for me. Because I know it'd get dismissed. That's how it always goes. If anyone has encouraging words itd be appreciated.