Is it normal?

So last month we miscarried again, 5th pregnancy that didnt end successfully. We have had 2 stillbirths via csections, 1 ectopic with a tube removed surgically, and 2 misscarraiges. And now i cant eat or sleep properly after the last miscarraige, my health went bad so was kept for 3 days in hospital. But ever since then i see pregnancy anouncements or birth announcements and ir makes me feel so numb. Even the thought of taking a test makes me sad and hopeless. I feel like i keep letting my family and husband down. I have no biological family after i married my husband whos from pakistan my family turned toxic and diowned me. But his family are the most incredible understanding supportive loving family and when they ask or enquire about any good news i break down and cry because i feel so guilty and broken like body doesnt work and sometimes i tell my husband he can get a second wife because then at least he will have children and he can be happy of course he always says he only needs me but you can see in his eyes he wanta a baby so badly.

Am i wrong to feel this way? Am i being selfish? I just feel so depressed and selfish and like a broken like im a crystal vase that fell off the top of a building and smashed into a million pieces thats how broken i feel. Then to make matters worse i have a resting SVT in my heart so i dont know when or how fast that will kick in so i cant work so im stuck at home alone from morning till night with my thoughts....i feel so alone in all this