so excited to be dating again

when i was 16, i got into my first and only relationship. i was depressed at the time and had just gone through a series of traumatic losses and my ex used this to his advantage. he r***d me on a near weekly basis, tore down my confidence, threatened me with a knife once, and made me feel like i was an embarrassment. i have had extreme difficulty with feeling confident enough to pursue anyone ever since, though that has changed recently.

in college i had the courage to flirt with a few people and even hooked up with someone who was very considerate of my trauma, but once the virus began to spread i had to leave that all behind and come home. i wasnt too upset that i didnt really have any ROMANTIC prospects, but id be lying if i said i didnt want a relationship. once restrictions began easing, i started spending a lot of time at my best friend's house and became very close with his older brother who was shockingly similar to me. i started hanging out with him and his friends a lot and we would always sit really close together on the couch and eventually started getting into deep talks.

he told me how he had also only ever been in one relationship and it was really abusive as well. we decided to go on a walk to infodump about trauma we had, but spent most of it just goofing around town and occassionally making vulnerable statements until he broke and asked if i liked him. i said id be down to see where this goes if he was also down and we have our first date on thursday. his brother/my best friend didnt react super well to it, but im sure hell come around in a few days and im not too worried about that.

the only thing i care about right now is how good it feels to be with someone who is as sappy as me. my ex never took me on dates and all i ever wanted was to go out and make stupid memories together, but now im seeing someone who is equally interested in that kind of relationship. hes so nice to me and we have so many weird coincidental connections with each other since weve both lived in the same small town our whole lives and its just so exciting to feel valued and to value someone else. i know were getting lunch with his friends thursday afternoon and then splitting off to do our own thing, but we dont really have anything planned and im excited to see where things will go. i wanna take him down to the docks or the train tracks at night to see all the fireflies and i want to lay on the basketball court when no one is at the park and just enjoy each others company. im just so excited :^)