Am I wrong?

Question

FTM and SAHM. Am I wrong for feeling and telling my husband how isolating it is to be a SAHM? My husband is never home, traveling job. And I’m just alone with our son all the time. Lately I have been feeling like I’m not good enough, isolated, I don’t feel like me. I don’t do anything for myself. I don’t feel pretty. I don’t feel put together. Idk I just feel so bad all the time. I tried talking to my husband about possibly getting a job and he blew up on me telling me how ungreatful I am. How he’s busting his butt so I can stay home. Yes I’m so thankful but jeez. I just needed some comfort. My husband doesn’t understand me and won’t try to. He goes from 0-100 the moment I say anything is hard...
It’s very unfair. And now I just feel worse. What would you do in my situation? :(

Answer

I’m a FTM and also a SAHM. I have to say it can be isolating and being in a pandemic doesn’t make things better. My husband and I were just talking about how it’s hard being a SAHM right now with little ones. The days seem long as we are very limited to outings since COVID hit. I try to visit family members and take her on walks or to the park. We just bought a house with a pool so we go swimming some days. I just got offered to do some temp work two days a week through September. It gives me some adult interaction and some extra money. My husband was supportive and a little hesitant since I work in healthcare but it’s been really good to get out. I would really consider going back to work part time but there’s no way I’d put my baby in daycare right now when I don’t HAVE to. Also it would only be beneficial for us if we had free childcare and that’s not something we could do ALL the time. You just need to ask for help, get out wether it’s to get groceries, a walk, to a family members house. You will be a better mom when you can re-charge!!

Answer

You are not wrong for just wanting a safe place to talk! I think we’ve all been there at some point. I don’t know if it’ll help you but I joined this amazing group on Facebook, “get a connected marriage with Melanie Hill.”  She also has a free podcast that’s awesome and it covers topics just like this. Hang in there mama! You got this!

Answer

No you're not wrong for talking about your feelings to your husband!! Too bad he can't step outside of himself and try to see it from your perspective. It really is a luxury to be able to stay home with the kids but it comes at a bit of a price. 
Im also a sahm and I know the struggles. It can be very isolating and lonely, more so during this pandemic than ever before. I can understand why you woumd be toying with the idea of returning to work, especially since your husband is out of town a lot. That would make it so much harder. Maybe he'll never understand why you're saying what you agree but I do and it's very valid!!

Answer

Being a stay at home mom is great if it’s what you want, but you don’t have to be , your husband isn’t your lord and master, if working part time or full time outside the home would make you happier, a happier mom is a better mom. It’s hard because it’s still a pandemic and a lot of people are feeling really isolated, and maybe because of childcare working really isn’t an option for you. 
Prepandemic I met a mom to have play dates with on the Peanut app and got a membership to the local aquarium. 
I went back to work full time when my son was 6 months, cut to 24 hrs when he was 8 months , after my daughter went back 20 hrs and cut back to 12 a couple months ago, I’m still not sure how I feel about working at all, but statistically speaking moms who work part time are the happiest.

Answer

I totally understand the feeling. I found a moms group near me and we do a lot of virtual events for now, but we did just get together for the first time this past week. Let me tell you, I was soo scared, but it was the best! My girl had a blast and I felt normal again getting dressed and actually talking to other humans. I would really try and find one near you! I found mine on Facebook!

Answer

I'm sorry he won't listen and try to empathize. Suffering isn't a competition and you're not trying to treat it like that. You should be able to talk to him about it. 
Do you maybe have a mom friend, even a friend with older kids, you can talk to? I don't think mommy/baby groups are really a thing right now.

Am I wrong?

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