He called me a retard. Am I wrong for the way I handled this?

Ok so long story short my boyfriend (father of my 2 children - I’m currently pregnant with baby number 2) at times screams, yells, swears, breaks things (kettle, door, laundry hampers, etc.), slams things, punches things, calls me names, etc. But then we will have a talk about it. I will tell him I’m not going to put my kids through that and that I don’t deserve it. He will apologize. He will try to make it up to me by massaging me or rubbing/tickling my back. He will buy me flowers. He will get my Starbucks, give me a break, etc. But then he will go back and do the same thing.

I’m so tired of it. I suffer from anxiety (literally from my parents doing the same thing but also doing it to me) and I don’t want that for them. I don’t feel strong enough to leave him. I think he knows that. I’m the type of person that takes a lot from someone. But I just know

I don’t deserve this.

So this morning he said some things to me and yelled at me a bit (I honestly can’t remember exactly what was said) but basically it started because he was laying on the couch and we really needed to go out to grab some things - our daughters birthday is tomorrow and we need things for the party and for her and we needed to go grocery shopping and we needed to be back at a certain time for our daughter to nap and get ready for our family photoshoot today. We had a busy day planned today. So he just needed to get up. So he was mad because I was I guess nagging him so he said. So after he yelled I left it alone and showered and got myself ready. He apologized and got ready and then said “I’m starving”

So we decided on a place to eat. But then by the time we got into the car it was so late and again we were on a timeline, so I said honestly let’s just get something else (the place would be an hour drive total there and back). He instantly got pissed and was yelling. He said “are you retarded?” “Wtf do you want then” so I just said honestly at this point just bring me back home. I’m not going to be spoken to like this. And kept going on. Then drove to McDonald’s. We pulled up to the window and he asked what I wanted I said I don’t want anything I want to go home. He started yelling again said he went there for me (I didn’t even say I wanted it btw - in fact I told him earlier I didn’t want it) and he was hitting the stirring wheel while screaming.

after that was over he said sorry that he’s just hungry and tired and that he hates when I do that with food. I just kept ignoring him (there’s always an excuse for his behaviour) he grabbed my hand and I let go. He drove home I said “I think ____(our daughters name) and I should just go inside” and I grabbed the house key. He asked why and I said he needed to calm down. I think he was caught off guard because this is literally the first time I some what actually stood up for myself and didn’t let him in. He was obviously pissed and my daughters door was locked. He wouldn’t unlock it. So I literally had to climb over the seat (while pregnant) and unlock it.

We went inside and I cancelled our family photos. I’m tired of being fake like we’re one big happy family in photos. I’m so disappointed because I love family photos and we don’t have many. But I’m just not in a good mood and I’m upset and I just can’t pretend. It will literally show in the photos.

He called me to let him in. So I did but I didn’t talk to him he tried to hug me twice and said sorry once I just said “okay” he asked if were still doing the photos and I said no I canceled them. He looked upset a bit. And walked upstairs.

Am I wrong? Did I handle this wrong? What would you do?