*TW sexual assult*

so about a week or two ago i was with my boyfriend and while we were kissing i realized that my ex had sexually assaulted me and i hadn’t really realized until just then and i had a panic attack, now anytime we hang out when i can’t see him but i can feel him touching me (non-sexually) i have to constantly reassure myself that i’m with him rather than my ex, and any time things start to get sexual i have a panic attack, even when i want it. he’s been helping me through it but it’s not enough, and i can’t afford therapy or counseling at the moment, even with insurance. i don’t know what to do or how to fix it.