Should Kids be Seperated to Avoid Jealousy?

Question

Hi I’m not looking to make problems , seem snobby, or look for smart remarks from anyone either.  I just want to know if there is a different perspective from mine or if my thoughts makes sense. 
My fiancé and I have children from two different marriages.  His ex wife took his kids to Florida to live with her mother they are ages 5 and 8.  My kids are the same age but my I have a 2 year old that clings to my fiancé ( infact we are planning to change his last name to my fiancé after marriage- he has a different father who is MIA since birth from my other children) and they have been close since he was age 1. 
Anyway today his ex decided to bring them up for the weekend because his youngest birthday is coming up ( mom is going to a state near by to visit friends ) so I told him we can plan a birthday party with all the kids.  Later today while he was out he asked me where he can buy a cake. I said we can buy one later , why?  He claims that he is buying toys at that moment abs he want to buy a cake and have it ready as a surprise at his house ( he has a property that he moved out if since we’ve been engaged), I said why would you do that now? We can set it all up together later for her. If you want to cook her favorite dish and I’ll get cake and buy party things as a Barbie theme that will be fun . Then he said I don’t want to cook I just want to spend time with them, abruptly.  I said oh, ok! No problem.  I said so we’ll figure it out later. 
THEN ... he said , yea I was thinking I’ll take them to the other house and spend the evening alone with them so She doesn’t get jealous of Thomas ( the 2 year old) I said huh?  Why? 
He proceeded to say I think I should spend time alone with them today.  I was confused but said ok that makes me feel weird because we’re all a family and I would think all the kids matter and have to learn to be united. I hung up after sighing.  
Ok so does anyone relate to what I feel or think?  Do you think it should be this way that they spend a day without the entire family- I don’t know it just feels weird to me. If we’re just friends abs they don’t know the kids then I get it.  But we’re a family .... though I know they live in a diff state now, I still treat them like my own.

Answer

I don’t agree with keeping birthday celebrations separate as that’s a family event that everyone should celebrate. but if your fiancé wanted to take his children out and do something just with them, I don’t think that’s wrong. Even in non blended families, it’s nice for a child to have separate time with a parent. I can also imagine his children may have some feelings of jealousy that your son gets to be with their dad full time, so for their benefit I do think he should make an effort to do things with just them. Maybe they’ve said that to him or his ex brought it up? I can definitely see both sides though.

Answer

I have 4 kids two of which I did not give birth too. In my home they are all 4 brothers and all 4 treated equally! We don’t believe in splitting the kids up any more than we have too. And everything is done as a family.

Answer

I think he's being weird, imo. I think being a united family is good- and that jealousy is toxic and shouldn't be catered to because that encourages emotional immaturity.

Answer

He dumb to even think about that that's how start making a child feel less important. Also the best way to start making a kid thinks that you favor the other ones more.

Answer

Yeah that's weird. The celebration should be all together. The birthday girl shouldn't feel jealous of her younger step brother? Why? They should all be getting along.

Answer

I didn’t read anything about him bringing up jealousy.... maybe he just wants some along one-on-one time. It isn’t your place to get offended over him wanting some time with his kids he doesn’t see often

Answer

If he hasn’t seen them in a while, maybe he just wants to spend some alone time with his children and then later have you and yours join. I get the whole celebration thing and the entire family being together. However, I don’t think it’s anything personal. Maybe he just wants some personal/alone time with his own children. 
He’s with you and yours everyday. Just give it a day...the kids are only in town for the weekend!

Answer

You two are engaged and going to be getting married, that means your family is going to be a blended one. Separating the kids isn’t making the family a whole. You would think he’d want everyone to be together to avoid jealousy. 
I would also reconsider if I wanted to marry someone who wanted to keep our families separate instead of bringing them together.

Answer

I could see taking them out to do something special because he doesn't get to see them often but all of the kids are going to be siblings pretty soon. No reason to keep them separate altogether.

Answer

Kids can get really jealous of other kids that aren’t their blood sibling thinking that their parent loves the other child more than them, I think it’s important for them to have some one on one time together so his daughter can see he just wants to spend some time with her, I don’t think he’s doing it maliciously or saying there is anything wrong with you all hanging out together but sometimes it’s just nice to be able to spend time with someone alone so she has his undivided attention

Should Kids be Seperated to Avoid Jealousy?

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