I hate my stepson. Please give me advice.

I hate my stepson. I feel so bad for saying that out loud, but I can’t help it. He is nine years old and he is the most obnoxious, rude, misbehaving, awful little kid I have ever met in my life.

I have been with his dad for almost 5 years and overtime things have just gotten worse and worse. Part of the issue is my boyfriend and his ex have never disciplined or given any responsibility to their child from the day that he was born until now. He refuses to read, do homework, or listen to anyone with authority, he throws crazy tantrums, he doesn’t have any responsibility or chores. We have him on the weekends and school breaks and our home turns into a war zone when he arrives.

I have a two-year-old daughter and I am starting to worry that his misbehaving is going to negatively affect her and I don’t know how to come up with rules and boundaries for her when her brother is doing the exact opposite. I can’t seem to get my boyfriend on the same page all he does is yell at his son and instead of trying to teach him and actually set rules he just gives him what he wants in order to keep him quiet.

His son yells at adults and is so blatantly rude that I am so scared it’s going to rub off and teach my daughter to behave in the same way. I know he’s a child and I know that the reason he is why he is is because of his parents and environment and I have tried really hard to set rules and do my part to make him a better person but I always feel like I’m getting berated by his actual parents. I am at such a loss. I love my boyfriend, but I hate his kid and I don’t know what to do about it. I used to care for him so much, but it just keeps fading with every crazy thing he does.

Please don’t tell me what a terrible person I am just please give me advice on how I can better the situation for my family or if my daughter and I should just walk away...