We can’t get off our roller coaster of Bad communication 😭

Been married almost 7 years, been best friends for almost 12 years. Before we were married communication seemed better. Since we’ve been married, Every time there’s a problem or something that was said that hurts me and I try to bring it up so we can resolve the issue, He goes into defensive mode right off, no matter my approach. I’ve tried “when this happens, it makes me feel .....” I always approach in a calm manner, I’m not a yeller or fly off the handle kind of person. It doesn’t matter to him. Even if it upsets me so bad I cry, he literally will tell me “shut up and go have your pitty party somewhere else” he rarely will admit he’s wrong or apologize. I literally feel I have absolutely no voice and never have had a voice since we’ve been married. Also if I actually get a sentence or two in in the beginning, I’m met with “well you don’t do such and such, so F off” and just instantly it’s flipped on me, every freaken time... I’m at a loss 😭💔 I’ve been hurt so much, I’m sick of it. And it seems the rollercoaster we’re on gets worse every spring. For some reason every spring we get into big arguments and he always threatens to leave or divorce me. I should’ve let him a few years back when he threatened it before we had kids and not begged him to stay I guess. 😭 don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, and I don’t want a divorce, but I HATE we can’t affectively communicate and I hate he refuses to go to marriage counseling, I know it’d help us a ton! When we’re not fighting or arguing, often we don’t, we’re like the perfect couple. He’s literally the perfect husband in every other way, he helps tremendously with the kids, helps me clean the house without being asked, works extremely hard to provide (job and does side jobs to make extra, not cause we desperately need but because he wants to provide so we have extra for the kids).I just don’t know what to do about this huge communication issue. It literally makes me feel like my opinion, me in general don’t truly matter to him. I know he loves the kids to death and he says he loves me but then he shuts me down, tells me to shut up, cusses me and flat out won’t admit or apologize 98% of the time when he says or does hurtful things. I hate feeling like I have no voice and hate that every issue gets swept under the rug by me because i know he won’t resolve it, and I want things semi-normal for the kids so I unfortunately let it get swept under the rug and nothing gets done. Sorry for the long rant, I just am so lost and feel hopeless 💔😭any advice will be appreciated.