I haven’t spoken to my brother in 5 years because of old his criminal activity. He wants me in his life.

My (24) brother (17) had a rough, rocky past. From the ages of 11-12, he got involved with some troubled kids. He would sneak out, they would go places and literally cause trouble. He got caught shoplifting once with his friends and my dad beat him in front of everyone. We thought he wouldn’t do it again after, but he decided to get into even more trouble out of spite. He got expelled during 7th grade for breaking a teacher’s window and trying to fight them. He got beat again by our dad for the trouble and he ended up running away. We knew where he was when he got caught shoplifting once again AND had weed on him. He ended up going to juvenile and I moved out shortly after.

While I keep in touch with my parents and all of my family members, I do not keep in touch with my brother. He was horrible. He left my parents broken hearted so much. He’s even the reason they’ve divorced. Mom disagreed with the way dad punished him and dad hated how soft she was. When my brother got out, he lived with mom. She would give me updates about him, she would tell me that he wanted to talk but I always refused.

A few days ago I went to my mom’s house because she was begging me to since we haven’t seen each other in a bit. Whenever we do see each other, it’s never at her house because I would not wanna see my brother. But since places aren’t really open, her house is all we can settle with. When I got there, my brother opened the door. It was truly the first time I’d seen him in 5 years. He got happy when he saw my face and he said hey to me. I got startled because I’m still used to him being 12 and his voice is deep now. He reached out to shake my hand but I stepped back again. He looked hurt but smiled again anyways and told me that he was happy to see me. He told me I look different. I said “Yeah, you too. Pretty tall now huh.” He said “Yeah I’m 6’2.” I nodded and said “So are you a boss criminal now? I mean, you’re older and taller. You must be intimidating people now, right?” He gave me a hurt look and just walked away. He told mom I was here. She ran down to hug me.

We went into the living room and started talking. Then she told me to help her prepare dinner. Someone else started knocking on the door. I asked her if she was expecting someone else. My brother opened the door and kissed the girl who was standing there. The girl came in and hugged my mom then looked at me confused. My mom introduced her as my brother’s girlfriend. She greeted me and told me that my brother talks about me a lot. I said “I don’t see why.” My brother got upset and said “Is there something you wanna say to me?” And I said no, I told him I’m just curious if his girlfriend knows about his past. My mom told me that’s enough. My brother said “Yeah, she knows. Everyone I talk to knows. Because I’m proud of myself for being a better person now. I’ve changed. Don’t you wanna get to know me again?” I told him that he messed up our family, he committed multiple crimes, and we got judged because of him.

I walked outside because I was getting pissed. He followed after me. He said “Look, I know I wasn’t a good kid. But I swear I did a 180. I have a job now, and I’m a freshman in college, I paid for my own car! I’m doing good and I’m being independent. Please, aren’t you proud of me?” I told him “Just because you’re okay now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be held accountable for every single thing you did. Stop trying to pressure me into forgiving you. *That* shows me you haven’t changed.” He went from looking sad to looking angry. He said “You know, mom told me how you had a fiancé last year but he broke things off. I wonder if it’s because he realized he was gonna get married to an asshole.” I turned around to punch him but he grabbed my wrist and started squeezing it. I said “Did you learn that while you were locked up? Let go” I kept trying to pull my arm back but he wouldn’t let go, he kept squeezing more and more. My mom came outside and started yelling at us both. She told me that it’s time for me to move on. I told her “You know what, I’m leaving. You have never in your life held him accountable for the shit he’s done. Screw this.”

I ended up leaving and my mom kept calling + texting me. I ignored it all. My brother texted me this yesterday

and I haven’t responded because I’m conflicted. I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive him. Our family is kind of a mess because of him, and my parents get judged because of him. I’m not sure if I want to be in his life. Nor do I find it fair that I’m expected to. Should I give my brother another chance?

Note: I wasn't trying to treat him like shit guys, I just had a lot of pent up anger. Also I am a girl. A day after my brother dent this message he texted again saying he reread it and realized he typed brother as an accident.