Have you ever stayed longer than you should have because you invested so many years in a relationship?

Question

I’ve been with my significant other for almost 11 years (since I was 19). We have a 9 month old together. I must admit he is a narcissist, but I thought maybe I can change him. My biggest issue is, when something bothers him in the relationship he will ignore me days at a time or have an attitude. He would do all of this without communicating and getting the issue resolved and honestly I’m tired of it. I thought maybe I can stick around because I owe it to my child but I just can’t. He’s cheated so many time when I’ve should’ve left. Even had a baby on me during our relationship. We don’t even live together and he doesn’t think it’s a problem. I’m tired of it all. I’m so upset for allowing him to disrespect me for so long. The physical abuse.. mental. The name calling “stupid, bitch, whore” all of it! 😢

Answer

You don’t want your daughter growing up thinking that is ok behavior to put up with, leave for her sake

Answer

I’ve done it in the past.. just remember it’s never too late to make a change. No matter how much time, energy, thought you’ve put into something- it will always be less than if you continue it!!! 
People demonstrate "a greater tendency to continue an endeavor once an investment in money, effort, or time has been made." This is the sunk cost fallacy, and such behavior may be described as "throwing good money after bad", while refusing to succumb to what may be described as "cutting one's losses".
It’s a normal human reaction that happens to plenty of us. It doesn’t mean you should feel ashamed or guilt- you made the best choices at the time that you could. But understanding that it okay to “cut your losses,” and move on is actually incredibly freeing. It sounds like you’re already headed in the right direction- you still have the rest of your life ahead of you!! And a happy parent or parents is ALWAYS better for the child in the short and long term.
Trust your gut and keep setting healthy boundaries to protect you & your LO. You’ve got this dude!! 💚

Answer

I wanna give you a hug!
Reading this made me feel so emotional as one of my best friends is in a very similar position! Her partner didn't even know if he can "make the time" for the birth. They are together for 15 years and she can't leave him as she invested so much.
No one can tell you what to do. It will be hard no matter how you choose. 
One friend of mine broke up with her partner half a year after birth. It was hard. Now the child is 3 years old and she found a new partner who also has a child and they are a lovely patchwork family. 
Do you have family support?

Answer

You owe to your child to set a good example. Would you be okay with your child being in a relationship like yours? Would you be okay with her thinking getting abused by your partner is normal? Leave for your daughter& for yourself please

Answer

Whoa for a second I thought you were talking about my bf. Mine and yours are literally the same.

Answer

I hate suggesting to people to give up on their relationship(s), but this one sounds hopeless. Even if you could help him, the sacrifices you would have to make, would me worse than those you already have...and they would be at the detriment of your child. In all honesty, you’re better to just cut your ties and walk away. He treats you how he does, because he knows he can. You’ve taught him that, but allowing it. Not “desiring” or “asking” for it...allowing it. There is a strong power that comes with realizing that most everything that happens in your life, is because you have allowed it - in some form, or another. Naturally, there are exceptions. But we aren’t speaking of exceptions. If you stay, it will continue. He knows, you aren’t going anywhere...because you’ve “invested” so much time. 
Invested. Let’s think about that word for a moment. What does it mean, to “invest” in something? When one makes an investment, it is because they expect a reasonable “return” for the said, investment. With that being said - outside of your child - what return have you gotten, from your investment? Sounds like it’s time to come to terms with the idea that maybe you made a bad long-term investment, and the most effective solution would be to pull out of that investment...cut your losses.

Answer

Omg. Please please please leave him. You and your baby deserve so much better.

Have you ever stayed longer than you should have because you invested so many years in a relationship?

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