Can someone explain my mother’s behavior?? is it toxic or am i trippin??

Hi. I always used to think I was just tripping/being a brat but it seems like the older I get, the worse it gets. I feel like my mom has no respect for me. To me it almost feels like she feels like she’s in a competition with me??? I’ll give a few examples and you tell me what you think.

My mom uses a lot of metal straws for herself and one time I ordered some glass straws to use for myself because I saw them online and wanted to buy them. When they arrived she literally told me that i’m “always trying to upstage someone”...?? from buying straws???

Also, my parents are divorced. Been divorced since I was like 10. But ever since I was little they would always make me choose between them. Well into my teen years the would always put me in the middle of their beef. it always made me feel like shit because i was forced to pick a side and when i did the other parent would get mad at ME. more specifically my mom more than my dad. And that’s why i always chose her. My dad didn’t necessarily get mad, but he would feel hurt..and that would make me feel bad. When I reached college i made it clear that i no longer want nothing to do with whatever “beef” they have and to not put me in the middle of it. There was this one time I told her I was going to my dads house and she LITERALLY called me a “traitor.” I will never forget her saying that to me. Then she tried to brush it off as a “joke”. Whenever she gets mad at me she threatens to kick me out or tell me to go stay with my dad. On Thanksgiving, I usually go to my grandmas (on my moms side) and my dad usually spends thanksgiving alone. Well thanksgiving two years ago, I decided to spend it with my dad. I ate with him and then he dropped me off at my grandmas later that night. Well, it was all fine until I got in the car to go home with my mom. she was PISSED at me. Cursing at me, belittling me, and so much more all because I spent thanksgiving with my dad and didn’t eat with them. I spent EVERY thanksgiving at my grandmas and the one time I spent it with my dad, Im a terrible person. She guilt tripped me by saying that my grandparents weren’t going to be here for much longer and i shouldve been with them. Oh, and she was kind of drunk. That night was so terrible. I ended up having a mental breakdown, that’s how bad it was, and she threatened to send me away to an institution.

Also, when her fiancée comes around, the way she treats me is a mess. She’s like so rude and dismissive of me even when I ask a simple question. Whenever he comes over, I just stay in my room because I already know how i’m going to be treated if i approach her.

And then TODAY, i’m taking a shower and i’m getting soap from the closet and she literally BARGES in while i’m COMPLETELY naked and says she has to use the bathroom. I asked her to please wait because i’m literally ass naked and she continued to sit on the toilet and use the bathroom. I asked her to please hurry and she says NO and then proceeds to say she’s going to take her time. while i’m trying to lowkey cover myself because she keeps looking at me/my body WHILE IM ASS NAKED. I told her that she’s invading my privacy and she proceeds to tell me that i have no privacy in her house. 👁👄👁 i don’t have privacy even when i’m ass naked in the bathroom?? This isn’t the first time she barges into the bathroom while i’m using it. She does it all the time. And there’s no way she didn’t know I was in there because our shower is really loud and I had the door closed. My mom has done a lot for me growing up and still does a lot for me but sometimes when she behaves like this it’s just crazy...