Cant believe im back here for another loss

In 2017....my first pregnancy the happiest feeling in the world became a nightmare at 20wks when I found out my baby boy had severe heart defects. I trusted in the end god Had the final say ...And continued my pregnancy. My sweet boy was born February 2nd 2018 and passed shortly after. The most beautiful angel I've ever seen.

We are now here in 2021 I've tried for 3 years to get pregnant and just when I was losing hope I found out I was pregnant in April. I got a call to confirm my pregnancy and my estimated due Date would have been December 24th ( the best gift ever finally my rainbow baby) well that was very short lived.... The day after mother's day which already brings me so much sadness I find out my sac is empty. No baby... No fetal pole... No heart Beat....

I don't understand... I probably never will. A full term loss and now a early miscarriage... 💔 so I'm back here ... Just to get these words out.. because many don't understand they never will... They will never know loss of a child the struggle of Unexplained infertility.

I hate this journey... I hate that building a family feels like its tearing me apart... My heart is so scared to break Again... It took me so long to pick up the pieces from my first loss ... I don't Want to break again. So I'm here and although I feel strong on the outside.... My heart hurts so bad on the inside.. 😔💔