Leaving my mans...

I’m leaving my mans today, and we’re due to have our son end of next month. 😪

I have to leave, he’s exhausting. He doesn’t know how to handle his alcohol, and I can’t trust to leave him alone with his own mother. If he gets one taste of alcohol he will continue drinking for days or even weeks, especially when he’s with his mom or any other family member. I wish I didn’t fall for him back when I was 18, i didn’t know his problem was that bad back then. I too liked the occasional drink, which we did together. I thought it was just because we were “teenagers”. But now that I go back & reflect on the 4 years of our relationship, in the beginning he’d always be drunk with his family when we weren’t together at my house. He’d stay sober with me though... he wasn’t drunk all the time. We moved out of town a year in, crazy I know, but when we were out of our hometown we were always doing things. We got into a gym, we went to pool days lol, we went to the beach, go night swimming, 5-6am morning walks on the beach & we’d walk our pups. Then we moved back to our home town & things have always been off & on because he’d go & take off on me to drink with his family & I wouldn’t hear from him for days or weeks or he’d just ignore me.

Anyway, it’s been a long exhausting 4 years. I’m now turning 23, I realize this isn’t how I want to live the rest of my life. I’m having a baby boy soon. If his dad misses out on this life due to his alcoholism then that’s honestly his loss. I’m terrified honestly, but I’m gonna do the best I can for my baby boy. I don’t see him until 2pm today I think to talk to him. If he even comes by, he’s been drinking the last 2 days with his mom. He works out of town, they get off at the same time. He was supposed to be home yesterday but they decided that they were gonna spend 2 nights in the city to drink. He told me he wouldn’t drink, he promised he wouldn’t but he broke that promise once again. lol.