Helping children with difficult decisions

My step son recently came to life with us full time, after some personal circumstances left his mother in an unfit state to care for him properly. He’s lived with her in her home country for the past 7 years and so every time he comes to stay with us, his dad and I are off work, he’s off school, and it’s more like a holiday than regular daily life.

So, he came over and has had a taste of what normal living is like here. He started school here and has made some lovely friends already, and his physical and mental health have both noticeably improved over the past few months as well.

His mother has been asking pretty frequently if he is thinking about staying here or going back to her, and each time he just says that he isn’t sure because it’s a difficult decision to make. We’ve been extremely careful to not push him on the subject, though he does know that he needs to let us know by the end of August so we can make arrangements with school etc. if needs be.

He’s so torn about what to do, and I feel so awful for him having that decision on his shoulders. He’s 9, nearly 10, so I think it is right that he decides for himself, but I just don’t know how to help him through the process of making such a heavy choice. We’ve made it clear that we’ll support him and love him no matter what, and that there is no right or wrong decision, he just needs to do what he feels is best and what will make him happy, and that’s absolutely all that we want for him, is to be happy.

His mother has put a lot of pressure on him lately, saying that he needs to decide soon, and asking him if he’s happier here etc, and I hate that she’s putting extra weight on an already huge decision, so we’re just trying to make sure he knows that there’s still time to think things through fully and that he doesn’t have to rush to make a choice immediately while also trying to see his mums point of view and not just dismiss what she’s saying.

We genuinely just want him to be safe and happy, and we will 100% support him with whatever he decides to do, but we’re just stumped with how to ease the stress and pressure that he’s feeling with having to make this decision. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see him struggling to understand and consider all of the different factors that will give him his answers.

If anyone has any techniques or advice on how we can be there for him with this, we’d be massively grateful.

Thank you x