Every person I have ever loved has stabbed me in the back. Friends, family, long term lovers.

I met someone and I've been with him for a while and I'm in love again. There is a large part of me that wants to pack my shit while he's asleep and take off and block him and never speak to him again because of self preservation. I have been destroyed time and time again and who I am today is because of me. I built me from the pieces that others destroyed. I have no intentions of being hurt like that again and I literally can't do it again. I can't. All I am is all that's left, I am built of ash. I can't go through that again. He's done nothing wrong, but neither did the people before him, not at first. You never see it coming. So I want to run, and protect myself.

I didn't know I would want to run. I didn't do this on purpose, it's not like I sat here and said im gonna start a relationship with him and then take off. I just had a moment where I'm like oh my fucking god I gave someone the power to hurt me again.

All we have in this world is ourselves and I'm the stupid one that made the mistake of falling in love again. I want to run, so fucking bad and never ever look back.

I know I sound selfish but being selfish seems to be the only thing that stops people from being able to fucking destroy you.