I’m so hurt

It’s been a long year of court stuff, just to find out that today, court was dismissed he was not charged for beating me up, for threatening to kill our son and my family, for holding me hostage in his house while he was drunk and held a knife to us.. he just got therapy.. court dismissed.. no contact order is no longer in place and it’s been like that for months!!! And I just found out today!!!!! He cries wolf about how I was the devil and kept him away from seeing his babies, how he missed his son and his birthday, hoe he never got to meet our daughter.. all these months free to do so and he didn’t do anything to reach out, his family walked passed me in public as if I didnt exist, they never asked for the kids… one whole ducking year….. and I’m so hurt because i been struggling, overwhelmed and putting my kids first in everything in my life.. I don’t even have a social life, my own siblings and parents don’t even come around to visit, Im with my babies 24/7 and shower once a week.. Im just hurt because I feel like my babies only have me.. why doesn’t anyone love them the way they love other kids? Im so alone in this…