Ex won’t pay child support is now claiming I’m keeping our son away from him

(He’s deployed in Hawaii and me and our son live in California. He gets money from the army to pay for our housing and food in California)

My ex hasn’t paid child support during our separation. We separated 2 years ago, he refuses to file for divorce and insists I need to do it. I’ve had our son full time, I have been a willing participant while struggling to not be homeless so I haven’t been able to even make a down payment for a lawyer. He was able to call at his own convenience (but if my son was lucky he’d get one 30min call every 3 months) and both the times he asked to take him for a short time during his leave I agreed. We’ve discussed child support 3 times since separating and each time he refused and said I was on my own.

After this last time I refused his request for a 3rd visit that is twice as long as last time. Now he’s telling me he’ll send me half AFTER he gets another visit. I’m afraid he’s going to take off with him to avoid having to ‘waste’ his money.

He keeps saying that I’m keeping his son away from him but he hasn’t called him in weeks and hasn’t sent me a dime in 2 years. Me and my son were starving when we all lived together so I can’t say when the exact last time he used his check to support his family but he kicked me out with our son and told me to figure it out.

What can I do?

I called the person in charge of him and they told me I couldn’t do anything about him not paying without his SSN. And when I told my ex he flipped the conversation and said that I’m keeping his kid away from him, He doesn’t have to send me any money if he doesn’t get to see his kid. This is the very first time I told me no in our entire relationship and separation