Memory loss?

I have been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, depression and bi polar is office on the table.

Over my 24 years of life I have definitely suffered a mass amount of trauma in pretty much every aspect (sexual abuse, physical abuse, abandonment, psychological abuse) you name it and it's been done to me pretty much. As a young child it didn't matter where I turned it was always a very bad situation especially when the people who were supposed to love and protect me didn't. I think most of my live I've been in survival mode and I didn't really get out of it until I was grown on my own and even at that I still automatically go into that mode when I shouldn't. I didn't realize how much my trauma affected me until recently after separating from my husband and I think that's because immediately coming out of a severe abusive relationship I met him so I never really got to be me. I lived in his shadow and he molded me into who he wanted.

Here's the thing, I suffer from insane memory loss. I know bad things happened but I can't tell you what or when really, sure there are some huge things that I just will never forget but the details have faded to where I probably couldn't explain exactly what happened, initially when these things happened I could tell someone but definitely not now. Long term memory is gone. Now my short term is gone too, I can't remember anything... last week, 3 days ago, a month ago... nothing.. I write myself notes to remember important things... can't even argue with anyone why? Because I don't remember! It's so frustrating when you know you have a right to be upset but can't even explain why!!! Why is this happening to me! I know I need help but my doctor is only working Tuesdays due to pandemic and it doesn't work with my schedule at all, I just can't get in to see her, I cannot book work off, I have no child care and she's located an hour away.... I flew off a few months ago... I forgot everything, I knew who I was and my daughter but it was like a switch went off and my brain went black and i was in a panic room at the hospital and then they released me... not knowing where I was, how I got there, what the hell happened. Nothing.