Are my expectations too high?

Question

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two years now and our sex life has seemed to completely lose all passion and intimacy. Now I do understand that people are human and life gets in the way, and most couple’s sex lives kinda die down after a while. 
I think my boyfriend honestly just doesn’t really like having sex, and I don’t really think it’s because he doesn’t find me attractive, I just think he doesn’t really enjoy it all that much. But he constantly tells me he loves having sex with me, yet doesn’t really show it. 
When we first started dating he told me he has a foot fetish, which is something I never really desired or took part in before I met him, but I put in a lot of effort into it because I knew he enjoyed it. I did tons a research, watched tons of videos, spent tons of money on nail polish, and tons of time and effort perfecting my pedicures for him. But when it comes to the things I enjoy sexually, he doesn’t really put much effort into it. 
I feel like our sex has gotten to the point where he only does it because he feels like he has to (which I don’t pressure him to have sex with me if he doesn’t want to, I think he makes himself feel guilty over it). When we have sex there’s not much intimacy. Not much kissing or eye contact and overall appreciation of what we’re doing… it seems like he’s in a rush to get it over with.. I don’t need him to go super fast and hard every single time, I prefer it to be slow and intimate sometimes too. 
I give him blow jobs almost every time I see him (every weekend), yet I can’t remember the last time he has went down on me. And in the beginning of our relationship he would tell me “I love going down on girls it’s really sexy”, but he never does it to me (and I always make a conscious effort to make sure my vagina is very clean), so I don’t think that’s the issue. 
I just put so much effort into making sure he’s sexually satisfied and I just feel like there’s a lack of effort or desire on his part. 
Am I just setting my expectations too high? Im trying not to let this make me insecure about my body or my beauty because I know he thinks im beautiful, but I just don’t think he likes having sex as much as he tells me he does. 
I really just wanted to rant because I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this.

Answer

No your expectations are not too high, from experience it doesn't get better. You'll always be left unsatisfied and craving that intimacy. I would sit down and let him know you're unhappy with how sex is going for you both and you need more effort put forward if not you have to move on. You can also try sex therapy, but it seems like you are doing your part and making effort it's now his turn to put forth effort!!

Answer

I don’t think your expectations are too high and it’s honestly a good thing that you are taking a hard look at this before getting yourself into a lifetime situation and hoping things improve. You have to decide how important sexual compatibility is for you in a relationship. For me, it rates high so I know I couldn’t be with a guy like this long term and be happy. It can lead to so many more problems and self esteem issues in the future.

Answer

Your expectations are not too high. No. 
However, you could be right, your man could genuinely not be into sex right now. When I feel that way it is almost always a reflection on the way I feel about myself. Lacking confidence to please, not feeling hot physically or mentally, maybe I have been lacking in other areas of the relationship, maybe I got jealous over something trivial and now being too self critical, or maybe the entire set up for “doing the deed” has not hit its mark. Maybe it was too rushed or made to feel like a chore rather than some that comes naturally. 
You said you see him on weekends? This can often cause a problem where you expect to use your short time together to have sex often or at least once. Again I would not say this is high expectations, but it is something that will set you up for disappointment when it invariably does not happen on some weekends. 
The way my Girlfriend can turn my mood around is to simply enjoy my company throughout the day. Make me feel like she is genuinely happy about our time together. To be flirtatious throughout the day. Not constantly but little indications. Small drops of spontaneous sexual naughty-ness thrown in can really set the tone for how she feels about our sex. I feel like she is excited for it before we even decided to have sex. 
It may sound petty to some women, but a few small compliments can go a long way to building up his confidence. But it has to be genuine. 
Do you tease him
During the weekdays building up to the weekend? Do you get your toenails all done and include them in send some risky pics to let him know what he is missing? These are all things that can excite him but let him know he is the exclusive focus of your desires. 
I would not suggest putting your eggs into one basket and treating the situation like a chore. That attitude of “It’s Saturday night, 11:30, we are alone and it is now Sex Time”. No it does not have to be sex time, it can just be a good time doing trivial things. Just don’t put too much pressure on the sex/ foreplay itself to happen. 
On the foreplay. You can easily tell him. If you are giving him that cheeky look of wanting him to go down on you. Than deny him access to you with a smile on your face until he does it. Most men would love this. 
If he refuses at this point, after you have tried, then you will need to discuss why. Explain that you have noticed he does not seem to do this for you and that it in turn makes you feel down. 
I’ll end my short essay there. Hope that helps a smidge. 🙂

Are my expectations too high?

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