Prepare for a rollercoaster. There’s so much I have to talk about.

I’m 18, and in a long distance relationship. I’m in the USA, and he’s in the UK. I know, it’s not not the best idea, or so I’ve been told by my parents. They have made it their mission in life to try and down this relationship any time I bring it up. My father wants me to try and find someone closer, and he’s all about the physicality of a relationship. Having an actual shoulder to cry on when the days get hard, and not being able to go on dates. While my mom just flat out has the attitude of ‘it’s not going to work out, but you can waste your time if you want.’ [She has said something along the lines of this to my face in front of my friends] which has put a big dent in my attitude. Leaving me to think: Am I wasting my time? Is this really not going to work? I’ve talked to him about this before, and he’s actually gotten quite pissed at my parents. Like- vulgar language I will not repeat pissed.

Now, a little side note: This is my best relationship to date. I have been in a few relationships where I was used because I was easy to manipulate and I had no spine to stand up for myself. {Which yes, has changed since the start of the relationship. He’s given me confidence}

Though while that seems great and all, and I can deal with my parents telling me it isn’t going to work out, I can’t get over a few things in my head. He’s a great boyfriend when he wants to be. I’m talking, he asked me to give the phone to my mom to have a discussion with her, because he wanted to meet her. And then, he called me one day wanting to speak to my dad [my dad is my stepdad, which does not live in the same household] and get to meet him. He lets me wear what I want, do whatever the hell I want, he’s pretty supportive when it comes to me and what I want to do. Though, he doesn’t communicate with me. We talk on discord, WhatsApp, Snapchat. This is due to privacy concerns with my mother and her control over my phone through an app. Anyways, I have 5 animals. It’s a zoo, and I hang around 2 friends he knows. So of course I’m going to send him things I find funny, or little tidbits of my day I think he has a right to see since he isn’t physically here with me. I did this through snapchat. He often doesn’t reply to these things, or when he did it was half assed. So, I talked to him about it, and he stated that it’s a lot for him to go through because he works 11 hours a day. So I agreed, apologized, and stated I would keep things I actually wanted him to respond to, [such as I love you’s, questions about different things, etc] to WhatsApp.

So, one weekend I had a friend come over, and my mom bought us drinks. [We are not allowed to leave the house, and we cannot drink until we black out. It’s the little bit of freedom she gives me since I don’t and have not gone to parties, and I’m rather responsible] I ended up getting a bit tipsy, and I sent him a voice note. It was me basically stating that I was happy to have him in my life, and a few other things like that. At the end I said “oh-! I love you!” And his next message was:

Nothing Important below that. Not an “I love you too” or anything else. He and I have had a conversation, MULTIPLE conversations about him talking to me. Yes, he works 11 hour days, but doesn’t even talk to me the days he has off. Like last Friday; he apparently went to a rave? I had no idea he was even planning to go anywhere or that he even had the day off until he contacted me Saturday stating he couldn’t hear because it had been so loud, and then went on about he got free drinks, as I am laying ill in bed. He never lets me in on plans until he’s already doing them or it happened.

This isn’t a new theme with him. I have talked to him about communication over and over and over again. He will try and fix it for 3 days, and then fall right back into the loop. It had gotten so bad, I ranted to his friend [who was dating my bestfriend, nothing sketchy] and he even stated he’d talk to him. I have no idea what to do anymore. I feel like I would be treating him like a child if I gave him an ultimatum. Or, am I just crazy, and this is normal for people that live in the UK? Is this their version of something ‘casual’? He has told me that I love you is something that people don’t say often/his family never says it? He has said he loves me too. I don’t know. We’re almost a year into this relationship, and I don’t want to end it because I really think he could get everything straightened out. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want this to end too in earlier messages. I’m lost.

I’m sorry to dump this all on you guys, but at this point I don’t know what to do. Any sort of feedback would be great.

Update: I have put it forth, and put the ball in his court for the last time. If he chooses he doesn’t want to do anything with it, it’s pretty clear what he’s on about. Thank you to those that have commented. It has helped a lot, and I’ve given him an ultimatum. He’s to involve me and be emotionally present. This is the last conversation I’m having with him. I appreciate you all.

UPDATE 2:

He had fixed a lot in the relationship. I think my last message to him really opened his eyes. He’s much more present in the relationship, and I’m actually happy with how things are going now. It’s just really obvious that my parents are against the relationship even more now that me and him are okay.