Am I wrong for this? I’m just very specific about what toys my kids play with…

Question

I’m raising my kids montessori for the past 3 years and my family just doesn’t seem to get it (but tbh I feel like they just don’t care and honestly do it on purpose). 
I always explain how I’m raising them. They were a bit judgey in the beginning, but now don’t really say much of anything. But when it comes to gift giving they never ask me what I was and will always buy my children light up toys, electronic toys, overall just over stimulating toys. It’s very frustrating because I don’t want my kids playing with these toys. 
Also, my kids seriously will play with them for maybe 15 minutes max and never pick it up ever again. They don’t like them either. So I’m also trying to save everyone money. I understand montessori can be expensive. BUT I always say you can give me money towards gifts. Even if it’s $5. 
Whenever I say what we’re going to buy them for Christmas or birthdays for example and how we’re asking all the grandparents/aunts/uncles that plan on getting the kids gifts to pitch in instead of buying a gift, they either was like proof that I actually bought the item and act weird about it make jokes about how expensive it is, etc. OR they’ll say “oh we already got them a gift” When I ask what it is “it’s a secret, you’ll see when they open it…”
How would you go about handling this? At the end of the day I’m the parent. Im getting frustrated. But I don’t want to come off as a bitch. I truly do appreciate anything and im not expecting anything. But if they want to be kind and get my kids things, I would appreciate if they at the very least ask me.

Accepted Answer

It’s one thing to say you’d prefer non battery operated toys. It’s quite another to ask people to just give you money toward expensive things you can’t afford on your own.
People, especially family, enjoy giving gifts to children. Let your kid receive the gifts. Let them enjoy them for 15 minutes or whatever they end up enjoying them for. Then give them away or sell them. 
You’re being extra, in my opinion.

Answer

If you’re Montessori with your kids, a few other toys isn’t going to change that. Let people love your kids. It’s normal for them to lose interest. Reinforce the values you want at home, but being to rigid will ultimately isolate them and that’s not what you want.

Answer

I agree with the other commenter, I know people who are all about Montessori but they still let family members get their kids toys and they let them play with them and pack them up to donate or sell once they’re done with them. It’s odd to ask people for money for this expensive stuff and then get upset they want proof that you’re actually using the money for it’s intended purpose. For all they know you could be pocketing money intended for the kids. 
Eventually they’re just gonna stop buying your kids anything and not give you money either then your kids will feel left out because of your pickiness. Because, you want people to contribute for gifts but only if it’s the way you do it, I would stop giving you guys gifts too if everyone I did you complained about it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Answer

It's weird to tell people what they have to get your kids for gifts. Just accept the toys and donate them if you think they will ruin your kids.

Answer

I’m Montessori and people buy her gifts that don’t align with that. I let her open, say thank you and get rid of them immediately. 
I tell people what to buy and give them a wide range of ideas and prices. They ignore me. 
I think you’re fine to get rid of the toys and maybe give a wide list. Maybe it’s a wood puzzle they give for $10 or a pikler for $200, etc

Answer

I let people give my kids whatever and just say THANK YOU. at the end of they day its their money. For me i know the aunts uncles and grandparents love my kids and whatever they got them was something they thought was great and my kids would love so the sentiment is there. 🤷🏻‍♀️ when they ask i tell them my kids like books and puzzles (cuz they do) has anyone got them books or puzzles ? No cuz they think its lame most likely 😂😂😂 but whatever i buy my kids what i want for them and whatever is gifted is a gift and just say thank you. 
Basically i think you should let it go. Theyre never going to really understand you or why you want what you want. They may even think youre just pushi mg the montessori stuff and your poor child should have some “normal” toys. 🤷🏻‍♀️ you cant change the way they think so just say thank yoh and let it go. Let sometime pass and regift or donate or do whatever w the toys.

Answer

Montessori is an approach. It’s how you use the toy that matters. My MIL gave my kid an atrocious light up talking turtle that you pull along. When you take out the batteries it’s not much different than a wooden Montessori pull along toy, except that it’s ugly, lol. But yes, I agree with other people in that you should let your kid play with it for 15min until they lose interest and then put it in the basement and tell your relatives they didn’t like it and to not buy stuff like that again. Your kid isn’t allergic to V-Tech toys. They can touch it and experience 15min of joy for themselves, and so can your relatives by watching it.

Answer

You could make an Amazon wish list with some cheaper Montessori stuff and books and clothes if you need them. I get being annoyed that people aren't listening but just let your kiddo have fun opening the gifts and then donate it. 
My mil will ask what our kids need and then go buy something completely different (usually something random from the discount Amazon return store) that we don't need and it's super annoying. But I'm not going to have him be the only cousin that doesn't get presents so I just say thank you and figure out what to do with it when we get home.

Answer

I don't think you're wrong. Family should respect how you're choosing to raise your children. It's really not that hard to buy something montessori aligned. It's just a waste of their money otherwise. I definitely got judgey comments from MIL when I said no thank you to certain toys she tried to give us.

Answer

First of all, there’s plenty of Montessori toys out there that aren’t that expensive. Not that much more than an electronic toy from Walmart. A person just need to know where to look. My parents have been really open to it and have asked me to make lists of things my daughter would like. They have seen how engaged she is with her toys and they know how much she enjoys them. I’m really grateful that they’ve been so supportive. I’m sorry you don’t have that same support.
Have you explained to them that your child doesn’t really like electronic toys? If I told my family that my daughter didn’t like Barbies and I gave them some suggestions for some toys she DOES like but then everyone bought her Barbies anyway? I’d be a little annoyed, yes. If they really cared, they would realize that this isn’t about you or them, it’s about your child. They need to stop being so stubborn to prove a point and buy gifts that your child actually enjoys…

Am I wrong for this? I’m just very specific about what toys my kids play with…

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