How do you mamas who dont hit their children end up disciplining them?

Question

My child is 3.5 years old.
He is completely out of control. Honestly i have even considered he may have some sort of condition. I told pediatrician and currently waiting on a referral. 
I didnt want to spank or hit him. I was truly against it from the beginning, but now my patience is wearing thin with him. 🥺
He doesn’t listen, at all. He just screams and screams whenever we try to address it. 
He even makes it sound like we’re beating him whenever the screaming happens. 🥴
Today, he did it yet again as I was waking up and I spanked him out of desperation for him to listen. And I felt terrible 😭 I don’t think I could do that’ again.  
Ar this point, I don’t know what to do. I could really use some advice here. 🥺

Answer

I highly recommend the book “How to Talk so Kids will listen, and Listen so kids will talk” by Faber, Mazlish and Bennett. 
I was having a huge problem with my 3.5 year old listening and time outs/taking things away just wasn’t doing it....this book helped immensely. It takes a ton of work on your part but it’s worth it.

Answer

I use the love and logic parenting guidance. Consistency and keeping boundaries are key

Answer

You said your patience is thin, please never hit in this case (or ever)

Answer

I use a lot of the advice from the insta account Big Little Feelings and I utilize time outs in certain situations

Answer

Try positive reinforcements. Stop saying negative words like "no,dont." For example, "no yelling or no running" say this instead "use your indoor invoice, it hurts my ears when you yell or let's walk nicely." You know your son better than anyone so you should know WHEN he wants to act up, like if you see he's about to jump onto the table hold him and talk to him in your soft/firm voice "i would feel very sad if you get hurt while jumping, let's sit down and play legos together." You're telling him the consequences of his actions and also distracting him by giving him another alternative. If he is acting out way too much then you need to say "I can see that you're having a bad day, let's sit here and calm down." Find a place where he can sit safely and with less distractions. After 5 -10 min have a talk with him about his behaviors

Answer

I would ignore undesirable behavior, redirect, and praise good behavior. He may like the reactions he gets when he misbehaves.

Answer

I use a lot of redirection, naming feelings, & connection to help with big feelings. 
Sometimes when my kids are extra reactive it usually means their needs aren’t met. I always have snacks on hand to avoid a hangry meltdown. 
Generation mindful is a great resource that I’ve used to help educate my kids on managing their emotions. (It’s been helpful for me too!)

Answer

This. This is why I’m scared to have a child. I do not know how to properly explain or discipline correctly regardless the situation.
I look at the what ifs. As in what if I said this or did this. I want them to understand why it is wrong and the things they can do next time to properly display or talk about emotions or feelings. It’s definitely a learning experience. This is why I have this app, lots of moms will definitely help me out one day!

How do you mamas who dont hit their children end up disciplining them?

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