Husband’s Stitch (sorry if this is tmi)

I’ve never even heard of this until after my husband and I tried to have sex a few years ago. We tried several times after that too of course. It was a couple months after I had my son. It hurt. Badly. Each time. Fast forward to now. I was told it shouldn’t hurt like it does anymore. Well, it does.

I only went to my obgyn once after I gave birth and it was the 6 week checkup. I had a second degree tear, and had stitches. Everything was healed according to my midwife. (She didn’t deliver my son as I hoped. A doctor I can’t recall their name and never spoke with did.) I told my midwife at the checkup there is a weird flap of skin and a painful lump next to it from healing. Her response: “well, it’s not like your going to be a vagina model.” No, but it flipping itches and I feel like I’m being torn in half during sex. Even now, a few years later. My husband mentioned it after looking it up online and said it could be a husband stitch. And after looking stuff up on my own, I’m starting to think so too.

Well, I talked with my mom and she also says that it sounds like that and that it’s actually illegal to do. (I thought maybe it was by accident since there were so many women giving birth that day) but she said I should get a new obgyn as the one I see may just not want to get in trouble and get a second opinion because I shouldn’t still be hurting like I am.

I guess I haven’t gone to a new obgyn yet because I’m scared I’m going to get the same reaction. And told that I’m not a “vagina model” (that seemed a little unprofessional to me when she said that. Made me uncomfortable and embarrassed for even asking.) and I really want another baby but it hurts so bad to have sex, that I even hate sex.

Anyone else experience this? I feel alone.

***yeah I’ve looked at it with a mirror. There’s a flap of skin and a little painful knot right next to the flap on my perineum on the scar. The rest looks like it healed fine.