Monster in law

She gives that term it’s meaning. It’s been HELL with her, I just got to a point where she is who she is, nothings gonna change that. What she does and says doesn’t affect me anymore like it used to ( really bad ) the thing is, I have a daughter and it’s becoming a problem for my girl. My daughter is almost 8, I have a middle son who is 6 and then my MIL bio grandson is 2. My older two are my husbands step kids. Before I got pregnant with my son my mother in law was like literally perfection with the kids. I thought omg wow I picked a great family for my children… WRONG. She spoiled the hell out of my older two kids loved them, showed them attention like it was great until I got pregnant. When my 2 year old was born everything changed and she wanted nothing to do with my older two. ( sometimes she does mt middle child but not like the youngest ) My MIL always had this really weird obsession over my 2 year old how it’s basically her son all over again and she has tried taking over the mother role since he was born. My other two gets neglected by her when we visit. Now that my daughter is getting older she is clearly seeing what’s going on, as much as I try to hide it she knows, she feels and sees it. My daughter always says how the baby gets spoiled and how Abby ( MIL name ) only loves kade ( 2 year old ) how abby doesn’t like her and wants nothing to do with her it breaks my heart!! This woman was a big part of my daughters life and now she doesn’t even enjoy being around her. The thing is since it’s been going on 2 years I haven’t really allowed my daughter to be around my MIL anymore. Only on occasions when she has to be there, my daughter doesn’t want to even go to her house or be around her so I respect her feelings and I don’t make her go! Thanksgiving we went up there ( family event ) and the whole time Abby was all over kade and my daughter tried so hard to get some attention from her to the point she even started acting out and my MIL got SO annoyed and frustrated by her and literally wouldn’t even be around her….. towards the end when we were leaving Abby gave everyone hugs and when she hugged my daughter, my daughter had tears in her eyes she was trying to hold back. I saw her face and in that moment I wanted to cry and punch my mil for making my daughter feel this way!!! Her whole face turned red, sad and she tried SO hard to hold it in.

My MIL is a big part of my 2 year olds life as she helps with him so often since we are busy working and stuff like I cant just say no to her being around even though I really want too, but how can me and my husband go about this? We have both had talks with her before many times and she will “ understand “ but then it goes back to the same shit. I don’t have much family. All my kids have is my mom ( who is amazing with them ) and then me and my husband. My father was in my life till I was 18 then left my mom and got with his mistress and has been absent ever since so she doesn’t even have a grandpa. She literally has no one but my mom and it kills me.

My middle son isn’t an issue because Abby will show him attention ( not as much as the 2 year old ) but mainly it’s just my daughter! My husband says his mom doesn’t really like girls because she had two boys and loves boys but it’s not even fair and I’m so sick of this. Any advice?