What to do when you want a baby and he doesn’t right now

Question

Me personally I want a baby really bad and think about it every day and talk about it a lot with him he on the other hand does want kids but isn’t ready for it and tells me no which I respect that but how do I get over myself for now? I want it so bad I have dreams about it I get jealous when my co workers got pregnant and it also hits hard because I had a miscarriage at 6 and a half weeks over a year ago and it hurts me to think I could’ve had the baby if my body didn’t betray me that it would’ve been a reality I would’ve had my baby I always wanted but I don’t know how to just let it go for now or why I’m so attached to the idea any suggestions or comments are really appreciated

Answer

What helped me when I was ready for a second and my husband wasn’t sure yet was setting a timeline with him. I asked how much time he wanted to think about it, without me bringing it up to him. He asked for 6 months, I agreed and almost at the end of the 6 months he said he was ready to try again.
He wanted the time because our first was so hard to conceive and it was awful on me mentally - he wasn’t sure he wanted to see me go through that again.
I’m glad you’re respecting him not being ready - I found having a date to talk about it again down the road calmed me down and took my mind off it quite a bit. Good luck!

Answer

Wait. Talk. Comfort. Agree.

Answer

For me personally, if somebody said to me they didn’t want kids, I would say perfect I don’t either, my current partner comes with 20-year-old children, they are grown and out of the house it’s a different story. He said kids were off the table, he doesn’t want to start all over again at 59. I said perfect. But for you, if this is something that you truly want you need to figure out if this is a dealbreaker or not. If this is something you truly want, and they don’t, then you need to figure out if this is a relationship for you or not. For adoption, or fostering in the mean time or getting a pet. And if this person never changes their mind that they don’t want children and leaves you hanging, is that fair to you, probably not. He may say he never wants them and just doesn’t want to break it to you and just strings you along and tells you what you want to hear. If you can’t get your needs met from your current relationship, then you got to figure it out. Either you suck it up and don’t have any or find someone else to have kids with if that’s what you truly want.

Answer

A loss like that can make a person a bit more sad and feverish for a baby. I would say try to find something else to focus on for the time being. It’s important that you are both ready, so I’m glad you’re trying to think of ways you can manage waiting for him to get there. Try to think of other goals for your future and work towards those for now. Like are you happy with your career? Do you have any schooling goals? Are there any special vacation destinations you’d like to explore before having kids? Do you have any fun hobbies you can throw yourself into for a while? Maybe work on a savings account for your future baby? Lots of things like that. Best of luck!

What to do when you want a baby and he doesn’t right now

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