Don’t want to go to the doctor…

**TRIGGER WARNING** This post discusses stillbirth

Hi mamas,

I found out about a week ago that I’m pregnant. I’m 4+5 today. My SO and I are very excited but we are also very cautious in getting attached. We have one daughter together and my pregnancy with her was rocky. I had an emergency c-section at 32 weeks. We almost lost her.

When we decided to start trying again, I had an early miscarriage. Not long after that I became pregnant with my son. Because of my miscarriage and all of the complications I had with my daughter, I was monitored closely from the very beginning of my pregnancy with my son. We had scans early and often, bloodwork, and lots of discussions with doctors. There was always something to be concerned about. My HCG was not especially high in the beginning. At my first ultrasound, the gestational sac was empty. At my second, the gestational sac was too small even though we could see baby. The yolk sac was also too big. My bloodwork wasn’t great either. Every trip to the doctor was worrisome. The stress was awful. We made it to 20 weeks and I had had 7 ultrasounds by then. At 20 weeks, we found out my son had a SUA. We lost him soon after that.

This time, I’d very much like to avoid all of the stress of those early scans. I know if I contact my doctor, they are going to want me in fairly quickly, but what can they really do if something is wrong? Not much of anything. I would really like to experience some joy this time around. During the first and second trimester with my daughter, we were so happy. Our first scan was at 9 weeks. I think this time I would like to approach this pregnancy like we did with my daughter, at least in the beginning and wait for scans and bloodwork until 8-10weeks. I don’t want to experience all of the worry when nothing can be done anyways. Am I insane for not wanting all of the hullabaloo? I’ve done a preggo test progression and everything looks really good. All of the the lines have gotten darker faster than they have with my other pregnancies. I know that doesn’t indicate much but it’s reassuring to me.

Ugh. I’m just torn. Help.