In the name of being honest…

Yesterday was my boyfriends birthday. I bought lingerie (for the first time) and presented myself to him. It went well. Afterwards we were laying there cuddling and I asked him to name a fantasy (we don’t talk about these things often although we have great communication in all other areas). I was excited to hear what he wanted as the lingerie was my idea and wanted to know what I can do next. This man had the audacity to tell me it’s other women. And his ideal life involves two wives. He started by talking about how tempting the world is and how women throw themselves at him for attention. He is an attractive man and holds beautiful energy. I understand this and I’m grateful for this kind of honesty. BUT then he goes on about his idea life would be with two wives, someone I would love. Noooooo 😭 I’m in tears. I feel so crushed. We’ve TALKED about our value system. He KNOWS I do not support anything other than a devoted relationship to each other in my values for me.

Y’all. We’ve been together for 1.5years. I’m 24 and he’s 32. He wants marriage and a family — a nuclear family to be specific and this was so left field from him I don’t know what to do. We’ve been serious and on the path for marriage for awhile now, like I’m expecting a ring by the end of the year. We’ve talked about this. We create goals together, he has daily affirmations confirming his dreams about us and our family, I feel crushed.

I feel angry. Like violent angry. I’ve done breathwork, tried to meditate, tried to scream on my rooftop, I took a long hot shower at midnight, I just can’t shake this. I feel so disrespected and lied to.

I’ve seen the women on here. Am I wasting time now or in 10 years? This is the question in my head. I don’t want to end up like some of you. That’s heartbreaking. To have been promised one life and for it to get turned upside down because these men don’t know discipline and loyalty? Disgusting.

I left my job for this man, I traveled to another country to live with this man, he financially supports us and wants to fully financially support our family one day. I feel so deceived and don’t see how to move forward.