If you were in a LDR, would you expect your s/o to send you letters, flowers, or small gifts ?

Question

My love language is receiving gifts and acts of service. My bf and I have been together almost three years. I’ve communicated my love language and my wishes to my bf, but he doesn’t do any of the things that I suggest or any of his own ideas either. 
Example, last July he said he was gonna write me a letter but it’s been 10 months and still nothing. I’ve reminded him and he gets defensive and it ends in an argument almost. 
I’ve made it clear to my bf what my love language is but when I think about it, he’s never done anything to show me love in those ways. I feel like because we’ve been long distance for over a year that he should’ve sent me something at least once - at least for my birthday or Valentine’s Day. 
I’m at a loss for what to do. And if we take the discussion further, do I stay with someone that has yet to show love in my love language??
I’m 23, he’s gonna be 28

Answer

Since you’ve communicated with him about it, yes. You’re asking for the BARE MINUMUM. Doesn’t seem as though things are ever going to change, therefore I would NOT be with someone like him. 🤡 I don’t care, I have standards 💅🏻. ESPECIALLY seeing as though you’ve communicated and brought it up more than once and nothing has changed. He doesn’t want to put forth EFFORT and that’s a HUGE turn off .

Answer

Honestly, yes I would expect it, at least to some degree. Things definitely don’t have to be expensive, but some things being sent here & there would be appreciated. My boyfriend & I are long distance as well, for 2.5 years (he’s almost 48 & I’m almost 36), and we send each other gifts for holidays & birthdays (unless we’re going to see each other soon, then we just wait to give it in person). Gifts & acts of service aren’t even my highest love languages, but if I never ever received any gifts I would personally be hurt at the lack of thought/consideration, especially if I had expressed multiple times that it’s something I’d like & appreciated. So, if nothing is changing after communicating this with him, then u need to decide if it’s something u can live with or not… and if not, then it’s time to move on.

Answer

Nah. He 28 and 5 years older. If you date older you shouldn’t hve to train or beg in my opinion. You literally asking for free stuff and he giving u nothing so why stay? There are probably more qualified and better suited men out there for u.
You have to py attention to things like this because life only becomes more complicated when u get married and have kids and if he cant find time even when all that isnt going on…. Then where do u really stand.
    I did long distance 3 years. The closest we lived was 2 hours. He would drive to me and i to him. He would take me out to dinner, movies, date nights. If we went long without seeing eachother… and i was off and he was working he would call out. When we went shopping he paid said he wanted to see me happy. When i had a phone that was dying on me… he bought me a new iphone. When i needed a person to call and vent to … he was there. 
     Remember dating is about finding the most qualified person who adds value and supports u mentally emotionally physically spiritually and financially. Its a huge decision… and loving someone is not enough. You need to evaluate how they “perform on the job.”

Answer

I send my partner things when we are long distance, but they don't send me things. They suck about that, but they are a very good and helpful partner in other ways. 
Some people aren't very good about sending things like that, just by their nature. But if it doesn't meet your needs, it is valid to move on, especially since it seems like you've expressed what you need to feel cared for and it would feel dismissive of him just never to do anything. I wouldn't appreciate that at all either. It's important to be heard in a relationship.

Answer

He disregarded what you told him, this speaks volumes.
How often do you see eachother? Effort mutual?

Answer

Effort and consistency are important in a relationship, the fact that he gets defensive, and dismisses your feelings, red flags should be going off, you shouldn’t be the only one making the effort in the relationship, unfortunately a lot of times, people make the effort in the beginning and once they have you, they flip the script and do the minimal and you end up chasing after them until you get tired of it and want off the hamster wheel that way they aren’t the bad guy, you are because you’re the one who wants out. If you have communicated the needs that you have, and he doesn’t seem to care, red flag, the four main reasons aside from infidelity or abuse that relationships do not work. Number one your needs are no longer being met and that goes for every level emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, etc. number two, you no longer feel supported by your partner and that goes for every level including helping with The house with the kids etc. Number three you know longer feel  connected to your partner and that goes for every level as well. And lastly one person is being selfish while the other is being selfless doing whatever to keep the relationship going while the other person does the minimal and in all honesty it sounds like you’re already there. The relationship no longer serves you, you need to have a talk. Sounds like you’re just going through the motions, sticking around because you feel obligated due to how long you’ve been together, not that you’re happy and in love and all over each other and can’t wait to see each other, and the fact that your long distance doesn’t help either, long-distance only works when Effort and the consistency is there on both parts. And it’s not clearly also when somebody relocates, but obviously you shouldn’t be the only one making the sacrifices in the effort in the relationship and eventually you get tired of it. I wish you luck, hopefully things either get better with or without him.￼

Answer

I’ve been in a very similar situation before, with my ex (we were together for three years). I made my love language and needs very clear, but he rarely, if ever, met those needs or made me feel loved. We met physically twice, which I put all they time, effort and money into both times. (Im only including this for context: him and his family were rich) I sacrificed my prom and graduation gift so I’d have enough money to go see him. But he couldn’t even call me when my mom passed away and I needed him most. I broke up with him three months later, and it was difficult but ultimately the best decision I could have made. I’m now engaged to an amazing man who pays attention to my needs and love language. He returns the effort I put in. 
I say all this to tell you: YOU DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE. 
A relationship is a partnership, where mutual effort is required. If he isn’t meeting your needs and you’ve made it clear what those needs are, then he isn’t putting in his equal share of effort into the relationship and that isn’t fair to you. I’m not saying to end things, but you should think about what you need and go from there
I’m sorry if I’ve crossed a boundary 😅

If you were in a LDR, would you expect your s/o to send you letters, flowers, or small gifts ?

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