Asking for help doesn’t do anything.

I’ve asked , I’ve begged , I’ve plainly said that I am not ok but here I am , to poor to afford a shrink an even though I’m not in a position to even be judging or refusing I would not wanna be on medication for depression. Why can’t I be happy without pumping drugs an false happiness into my system which really fixes nothing. I just want somebody to listen an to actually hear me . I want someone to tell me I’m not crazy or a bad person despite my past someone to acknowledge that I’m fucking TRYING an idk how much longer I can even hold on. I need a hug an to be told I’m not as worthless as I feel all the time that everything is actually going to be alright . I’m also a mother an you know what I am a damn good mother at least I can say that .. an strong because I need to be but inside I’m really dying. No I’m not suicidal, no I’m not like mentally unstable or anything of that sort I’m just really depressed and lonely an I feel like I’m being held together by tape. I don’t have family my parents passed away , & I am in a relationship but we aren’t good at communicating I only truly have my kids an that’s why they are so important to me but they deserve a better mother someone who is 100% there an not pushing everyday to just get through the day if that makes sense. Idk maybe I’m just being a cry baby an over dramatic the way my bf says idk