It’s a long story, but it feels like I’m losing my mind. I’ll be 100% honest here since I’ll be anonymous anyways. So Friday I went out with my boyfriend and stayed the night. For some reason, I had a really bad feeling about coming home. It felt like some news was waiting for me that I wouldn’t like at all. Not only that, but Mother’s Day was this Sunday. I don’t have the best relationship with my mom. She’s a severe alcoholic (if that’s how you can say it), and last year I went to see her after 12 years for the first time. The trip opened a lot of wounds I thought were healed. I also saw my older sister; which opened even more of those wounds. My older sister molested me from 5-8, and when I told my mom about it, she got upset with me. I dont know if she remembers me telling her because she never brought it up again. My sister apologized when I was 15. I thought I forgave her, I wanted to forgive her; but I don’t. I’m 23 now and I realize I don’t, and I dont know how to deal with the anger I have towards her. My older sister has been taking a lot of her anger out on our younger sister now. I’m afraid telling my older sister how I feel will only result in her taking things out on our younger sister. Not only am I upset about this, but I was told on Saturday that a family member of mine has been talking about me behind my back. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m trying to keep the peace because this member is 15. Go ahead and call me childish, but it’s fucked up when someone you’ve always done your best to do right by places judgement on you without even fully knowing what you’ve gone through/are going through-especially when you’ve never done that to them. As much as I’d love to talk to her about it, I can’t. I found out what she’s been saying about me from her brother, and the last time I confronted her about what she had to say, HE got into trouble. I know the same thing is gonna happen, and it bothers me that it’s like that. My anxiety has been through the roof, and it still feels like only more bad shit is to come. My period is late. I had thoughts of self harm(I reached out for help and got it). I almost lashed out on a kid at my job while he was crying because he fell. I’m burned out. I’m fucking angry. All I wanna do is cry and scream at everything I look at.