Should a man help with the kids if he works all week? Let's say 9am-5pm working, sometimes comes home early or later.

Question

My partner works 9am-5pm. Sometimes he comes home early, sometimes he stays working till 6. He's a plumber, a helper because he needs more training (just started this particular job 2 weeks ago) I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids, one is Autistic. All week they have therapy, thus why I can't work the week but I recently applied for a weekend job and got hired. I'm drained from the whole week, yea he comes home but not a diaper change, expects me to do everything for him. Example, while he sits on his computer chair, literally like 2 feet away, asks me to fold his laundry and help him pick up trash from his room. Will call me from the room while I'm washing bottles in the kitchen and hand me a water bottle to refill. 
Today I asked if he could change our child's diaper because their stomach has been upset all day and I wasn't feeling well. He was laying on the floor and said no. He also left all his dishes in the sink for me to clean. Said he was too tired from work.... said I do nothing but stay home all day. 
Is it just me?

Answer

I can't believe this is even a question. What a lazy ass. He works, you work, caring for kids is 24/7. You are both parents. He isn't acting like one.

Answer

Okay, I'm gonna say this as simple as it can get.
He shouldn't help. He's the freaking dad ffs. He should be a fucking parent. I don't care how much he works, how he works or what he works with.
It's HIS children as well.
I get so mad about this shit.
Imagine if anyone asked if the mom should HELP with their child when coming home from work. I'm fairly sure what people would answer.

Answer

Definitely not, my husband works from 8-8pm sometimes later but when and if he comes home early he looks after her, changes a diaper or two, makes a bottle when she needed one. Spends time with her if she’s up. & when he’s off he’ll do things around the house and I COMMUNICATE VERY LOUDLY when I feel as if I’m doing all the work. If I’d let him be he would’ve made me do everything but I stopped it. Maybe just talk to him, when things happen and you don’t like it let him know. Don’t run and do things for him, when he doesn’t want to help with laundry don’t do his, don’t fold it. When he doesn’t wash his dish or dishes don’t serve him. It might sound petty but you’re not his maid/ nor private babysitter or anything else. You’re his partner his wife and the mother of HIS children. If you’re doing it ALL by yourself you might as well just leave and continue to do it by yourself and get child support 😂

Answer

The fact that he actually believes you “do nothing but stay home all day” is evidence enough that he is completely disillusioned about what it means to stay at home taking care of young children.  He needs to step up and find out what it means to be a DAD and for once not just act like a child himself who needs to be waited on hand and foot.  NOT ok.

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I would not tolerate that shit.

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He would have to pick up after himself of he loved alone, he can do it now. I'm so sick of men thinking that having a job absolves them of domestic duties. It doesn't. I'd rather be single.

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If he's not helping then he's also a child  need to kick him out the door.send him back to his Mama.

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Get yourself a better man

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My husband isn’t this bad and my therapist still says that he should be more involved. I can’t imagine what she would say about your husband!?! You definitely need to communicate what your expectations are and have a discussion with him until you both reach an understanding. Unfortunately for me this meant fighting about it for over a year because he and I kept getting so defensive, but I also see that I approached the issue incorrectly (hence the need for a therapist) and have been working on my communication skills. It’s still hard some days, but much better overall.

Should a man help with the kids if he works all week? Let's say 9am-5pm working, sometimes comes home early or later.

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