Pregnancy without a mom

Hey everyone,

So after a few months of trying with my husband, we finally got a positive test today! I am going in for a blood test when I get off work this morning just to confirm, but my husband insists he KNEW I was pregnant, even when I took a negative test a few days ago. I really am beyond excited, and can’t believe we might really be starting this journey after almost 6 months of trying!

But anyways, the point of my post. I am 25, and my mother passed away very unexpectedly in September of last year. Ive struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a preteen, and it obviously spiked horribly since she passed. She was only 42 and it’s been a really tough time for me. She had me in high school and we kind of grew up together, cuz let’s be real, a 17 year old is still growing up. Most people though we were siblings until I was around 16 years old. I always thought she’d be here for a LOT of my life, especially any pregnancies.

I entered the date of my last period onto a due date calculator, and it said our due date is 2/3…my parents’ anniversary. I don’t know if this is some sort of sign or not, but I’d like to think it is.

I guess my question would just be..how do I do this without her? She wasn’t even there for us to start our TTC journey..she passed in September, my DH proposed in November, and we planned our wedding while renovating a house. We moved into the house at the end of April, which she never got to see, and we got married at the beginning of this month, 5/7. So I know it has been a lot of life changes all at once, but I feel like we are doing what we are meant to do. I am just really scared to navigate this journey without my mom. I miss her every single day, and she was the first person I wanted to tell about the test, after my husband. It doesn’t help that I stopped taking my antidepressants about 2 weeks ago (I just felt I needed to in case we got pregnant. I didn’t want to risk them harming my child. I know that wasn’t the best way to go about it, but what’s done is done.) and I’ve had this big, hopeless cloud looming over me. It’s brighter with the positive result, but I also now have the reality that my mom will never, ever be a grandma. And that really hurts