Just found out my son may be Autistic

For a long time I knew

something wasn't quite right.

Almost everyday was the

same old fight.

No matter what I taught he still

did the same things.

It'll never get better

I thought it would never change.

I thought he was hyper with ADHD

I didn't think Autism is what it could be.

I'm going through pictures and old videos

I'm sitting here wondering how I didn't know.

He literally checks off all of the boxes but all this time I thought I was just toxic.

I had to be more firm give more rules but the more I did that it just seemed so cruel

he didn't understand he kept doing the same things

it was hard to understand hard to remain sane.

He couldn't articulate what he wanted to say

I tried so hard to show him the way. Through many struggles and brain cells Ive lost

as long as he's fine I'll pay that cost

like a cd that's skipping I repeat and repeat

I repeat so much that I sulk in defeat. The defeat of not knowing what else to do

the defeat that nobody knows what you're going through.

I just wrote this because I'm feeling a little sad and in my head about the news from the psychiatrist that my son may be autistic. Not sad because I want any sympathy but sad because I don't want people to label him as bad because they don't understand him like I do. Also I feel validated because I've been telling family and friends that I'm dealing with a lot and they've kind of chalked it up to him just being a child. I've told them over and over no it's more than just that but they didn't understand. They couldn't understand why I would leave family gatherings early. They couldn't understand why I couldn't do simple things like going to the park or to the grocery store as much as I would like because I know he'll have a major meltdown or would try to run off the first chance he would get. Teaching him to talk and write his name and use the bathroom normally has been a struggle. I'm just happy someone else noticed and now maybe I can get some help to be the best parent he needs.