SIL situation update

Today my partner tried to talk to my SIL about everything on their way home from a game. Him and I already talked and I told him I’d stay on top of cleaning from now on as much as I can. I spent the entire weekend deep cleaning everything and throwing out a bunch of stuff we didn’t have the space for anymore. We also agreed that we’d pay more since we realized it isn’t fair the way we were splitting rent.

Since our lease is up in Oct, my partner asked my SIL what she wanted to do. If she wanted to continue to live with us or if she had other plans, that way we knew what our situation would look like and we could start looking and saving for another place if need be. She brought up all the problems we had already addressed. My partner told her, that he’d already talked to me about it and that I’ve literally been trying to declutter so the space feels cleaner. She then brought up the bills. Again, my partner told her he’d agree to pay more, he’s just asking what her plan was once the lease is up. She then started getting loud and angry and kept repeating the same things. My partner asked her why she was getting so upset if he’s asking a simple question. She then told him she wants to move to a different city with a friend. He told her that she could’ve told us this from the beginning instead of getting angry. She continued to yell so he started getting upset and told her to just shut up and drop it because he doesn’t want to argue with her.

My mil are at the apartment as this is going down so when they arrive they’re still yelling at each other. Things started to get really heated between them and my mil had to step in and try to get them both to calm down. The night that I was doing laundry, we had folded all the clothes really late so we weren’t able to put the clothes back since my daughter was already asleep and is the type to wake at the sound of a pin dropping. But I put it all away the next morning. When she had asked if we could hurry with what we were still washing i stayed up till 2 waiting for it to finish so she could start hers. Like I said before, I always do laundry on the days she doesn’t do hers to avoid any conflict or anything. I guess before she had asked us to finish up, she recorded the clothes from the washer and the folded clothes on the table and sent the videos to her friends to show how “messy and disgusting” we are. I felt really hurt by this because instead of being an adult and talking to me and letting me know you had an issue with this, you went and talked shit about us to your friends. She also said we never do dishes. If we never do dishes, we’d never be able to cook or eat? I do dishes ON A DAILY. I’m too tired to wash them after dinner but I do them the next day in the morning or during my daughters nap. But I do them. I’d NEVER want my daughter to live in filth so I ALWAYS pick up her toys, do dishes, laundry, etc. I also pick up the trash that her dog tipped over because he wanted to eat trash since she’ll sometimes not come home to feed him. I clean up his piss and shit from inside when she won’t leave the door open for him or at least check that he went to the bathroom before leaving him inside. My partner is the one who cleans the patio of his piss and shit so our daughter can play out there. And she wants to say she clean it once a week. He pisses and shits 5x a day and you think cleaning it once a week is enough ?!?! We can’t even keep the door open for long because the concrete smells like straight ammonia. Even the neighbors who are walking to their front doors and have to pass by our patio have to suffer with smelling that shit. It’s not the dog’s fault, he’s an animal and can’t clean after himself but he’s also not our dog and shouldn’t be our responsibility. But we pick up after him because we can’t just leave that shit there and we do it without complaining to her.

I’m hurt, offended, and irritated with all of this. She said the only reason she wanted us to split it 50/50 was to help us out but if you truly wanted to “help” you wouldn’t be throwing it in our faces. We already agreed that for the last few months we’d pay more so I don’t understand why she made things such a big deal and why she had to go and talk shit about us to her friends. I’m not saying I’m perfect at all. I know I had faults in this situation, I know I could’ve been more on top of cleaning and laundry. But to say the apartment is always messy is just not true. She only ever comes home at like2am when I’m too tired and already asleep to clean but I always clean the next day. Safe to say, I’m no longer comfortable living with her nor having any kind of relationship with her.

@Hannah you really think I wanna wake up to the trash can tipped over and piss on the floor? We’re also not the only ones who cook and dirty dishes either. And like I stated, if it was a problem for her she could’ve talked to me and I would’ve cleaned up before bed instead she took videos and talked shit to her friends about us. We’ve never taken videos of the mess her dog makes and sent it to people. And yes we talked to her about it multiple times before but she laughs about it and doesn’t do anything to fix the problem. Where’s the respect for us? Like I stated, I’ve already started being better and spent the weekend deep cleaning and decluttering. But even after I’ve done my part, why was there a need for her to blow up at my partner for asking a simple question?!

@Mommaof4 we’ve tried in the past. We’ve even settled for her just sweeping since I can sweep twice a day and every time there’s a ball of dog hair which ofc is understandable but the least she could do is the sweeping. Did maybe once then never again. As for venting to her friends. It’s one thing to vent but to take videos and show and talk shit to people who not only do we know but also invited to our daughter’s birthday party and christening. You’re all strangers and I’m anonymous. Y’all have no clue who we are. I feel it’s extremely disrespectful in my opinion.

@Jennifer I’m not asking her to clean up after us. It’s not like she doesn’t cook and dirty dishes herself. She does everyday and her dog’s hair is the one who is everywhere so I don’t think sweeping it up is too much to ask for. Same thing with the patio. I’m asking her to clean up after her dog more often. Just like dishes overnight bother her, her dog’s poop marinating for 3 days on the patio bothers me. Reason why I don’t do dishes after dinner is because I literally will spend the entire day cleaning, doing dishes, and cooking. I’m wiped after but I ALWAYS do it the next day during breakfast or nap time which is around 12. She won’t pick up her dogs poop or scrub the patio for days at a time so even leaving the door open for her dog causes the apartment to reek. I don’t wanna keep pointing fingers and doing all that. I owned up to my faults and fixed them. I’ve been more on top of dishes and cleaning up toys as well as sweeping and mopping and decluttering. I’ve done my part. So I’m confused why there was a huge blow up over things that were already addressed and fixed.