I feel like I’m fading into the background…

So I’m a stay at home mom ever since my son was born about 6 months ago.. my bf of 5 years, moved to a new state for a different life that we grew up in for our 4 kids and better job opportunities.. however I feel as if I’m fading into the background and not as important anymore. I feel as if I lost myself as an individual and partner. What do I bring to the table now? I can’t bring anything in financially.. I just clean the house when I have the energy, cook, laundry, raise our kids etc. however I feel like I’m not bringing enough to the table or like no one sees me.

Here’s a little background: I’ve always worked since I was 16 years old up until now. (I’m 26) I’ve always been independent and have my own thing going on so it’s hard for me to actually change up my entire lifestyle without having some sort of insecurity of him leaving me and that I’ll be left with nothing.

Everytime we talk about the future, he doesn’t bring me up.. when people ask why he moved he says it was best for him and the kids. And not “it was best for my family” yes it sounds like I’m nitpicking but I just feel like I’m never included into anything. We always have little fights and one time he joked around saying that he’ll leave me once he’s settled with his new job and makes a lot of money.. and for me it sounded like a joke with a little truth in it. Because now that he changed careers and knows that he will make a lot of money with commission coming in, he’s been treating me like absolute shit..

I can’t work because he says that he’ll be too tired to watch the kids and daycare is expensive. No family help either. How do I get him to stop taking me for granted or rub stuff in my face?

If he doesn’t want me to work then I want him to take care of me mentally because I feel like I am crumbling to pieces. How does me being so independent my whole life come to this? And yes sometimes he says “it’s my money I can do whatever I want” when I check out finances and know that we need to budget.

When we get into our arguments, he tells me he doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore or what I do. Belittles me sometimes like I don’t know how to do anything etc.. it makes me feel like life will be better off without me. I feel like he has so much power over me due to the fact that he is the bread winner in the family. I just want to be seen as an equal…

Sincerely,

A stay at home mom who feels invisible