How do you set boundaries with your family if your husband is part of the problem?

Question

This has been going on for forever! My in laws think they can show up any time of the night and we have to let them in. Last night, I was so tired and already in my pajamas. My husband said his dad and mom were out side (at 12 AM) and wanted us to wake the kids up to see them!
I looked at my husband and said, “NO, you NEED to set boundaries with them” and he flat out said, “you and YOUR boundary talk again” basically meaning I’m delusional and we don’t need to set boundaries with the kids.
It’s to the point I can’t even talk to him anymore. It’s mainly his mom. He does EVERYTHING to please her. It’s getting way out of hand!

Answer

You can’t set boundaries if he’s part of the problem. It’ll be you vs them for the rest of this marriage unless he grows up (which it sounds like he won’t). Your in laws are clearly rude and selfish so no amount of boundaries coming from you will be respected. It’s also his house and his kids, so they’re technically “welcomed” if he sees it that way. I’d personally end up divorcing over this and then he can let them over to his place whenever he wanted while I enjoyed my peace and respect in my own home.

Answer

You need to have a serious conversation with him, and if he doesn't want to understand give him an ultimatum, either he speaks with his parents or you will! This is so absurd, boundaries are essential in every kind of relationship and his parents popping at your house randomly and later at night it's not appropriate or right in any way!

Answer

Time for you to set the boundaries with his parents

Answer

I have an open door for grandparents, but to wake up the kids at any hour? Absolutely not!

Answer

I 100% wouldn’t put up with that. I’m sorry but what kind of person shows up at midnight to see children? That’s weird and frankly concerning and I wouldn’t want to be in that family.

Answer

Just tell them you won’t be waking the kids up and that they need to call to be sure it’s ok before they come over. And if they don’t, don’t spend time with them. Your husband clearly doesn’t care, and he isn’t going to do a thing about it.

Answer

Omg that is insane. Literally expecting you to wake up the kids at midnight like wtf that is so abnormal!! It sounds like you have probably already compromised on this wayyyy too much to keep the peace, and you are just asking for the minimum reasonable boundaries and still getting met with resistance. All I can say is you have to stand  your ground - these are your kids and this is your house. He doesn’t just call the shots.  
honestly it would be so helpful to have a third neutral party to talk some sense into your husband since he is not listening to you. Is there any chance he would entertain the idea of marriage counseling? Or is there a mutual friend or other family member like does he have a sibling who knows how out of line the parents are? Or a friend of your husband’s who can talk to him? And have you tried going to try in laws directly to set boundaries?(I know that one is hard). 
Good luck …. X

Answer

You might have to be the bad guy on this one. Just be straight forward with your inlaws. They are your family, too.

Answer

You leave. Nothing will change.

Answer

If he won't talk to them, you need to! Who wants to wake babies at midnight?!

How do you set boundaries with your family if your husband is part of the problem?

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