Daughter told me she doesnt like special need children

Particularly children with autism.

This is hard for me to write, and I am not looking to get attacked or for any hate, please read the entire thing and tell me what I heed to do to correct this issue.

My daughter is in 1st grade. I got a phone call from her teacher saying she was not being nice to a little girl in her class. The little girl has autism, I actually know her mom, and she’s a really sweet little girl. My daughter told her teacher she did not want to sit with her, told her that she was weird, and told her that she doesn’t want her around. She was also telling the other kids not to be her friend.

Now here’s the thing. My son is 8 and moderate- severely autistic. I have pushed pushed pushed pushed inclusiveness in my daughters head, told her PLEASE be nice to EVERYONE, PLEASE invite the kid sitting alone to come sit with you, please treat everyone how you want to be treated, and please remember how people treat your brother, and please treat people better than how he’s been treated, because honestly, life has been HARD for him.

I confronted my daughter and she told me she doesn’t like special needs people because they get extra attention, they don’t have to follow the rules, and they get people to come in the classroom and “do their work for them” (the little girl has an aide, which my son also has) I explained to her that they may get exceptions for certain things because their brains work differently so accommodations must be made for them to thrive. I explained to her the aide is there because sometimes, things may be a little harder for certain people and they need just a little extra help.

My daughter the brought up that my son gets so much more attention than she does. And we have to revolve life around him. We have to leave the park if he is crying. We have to drive him to therapy all the time and wait in the car for him. We have to follow his routine. I explained we have to do these gongs to help him. She shrugged and said ok and that was it.

I feel so sad. So sad she made that comment about special need kids. So sad she is resentful for her brother. She always says how much she loves him.

But I also feel guilty. We do revolve a lot of plans around him. Life is hard for him and I try to make it easier.

How can I change my daughters way of thinking?