Is this toxic?

Question

My SO recently brought up something I did that made him feel insecure. Upon hearing his side, I responded by bringing up instances where he did the exact same thing and still does to this day, but he never thought it would hurt me (it obviously did).
Does doing this make me toxic?

Answer

Kinda 🤷‍♀️ youv waited till he’s expressed his feelings too chuck stuff back in his face 👀

Answer

No. Can we stop calling everything under the sun “toxic”?? It might not the best conflict resolution depending on the subject, but a person isn’t toxic just because they’ve made one mistake during an argument. You should’ve communicated with him about the issue before the fight started, but I don’t see how it’s toxic if you’re reminding him he’s done the same exact thing. You’re allowed to bring up relevant points in a discussion without everything being labeled as toxic.

Answer

He was calling you out on your behavior and you turned it around on him instead of being accountable for your behavior. That’s the part that is not OK. If you have a problem with something he’s done and you are not communicating that with him, when he is expressing his feelings about someway that you’ve behaved, is not the correct time to bring it up. ￼When he does something that upsets you or hurts you, that’s the time to bring it up. When you’ve done something to upset him or hurt him, that’s the time for him to bring it up. That’s exactly what he did. So at this point, just validate his feelings, because you literally admitted to feeling the same way, and create the boundary together moving forward. Stop throwing shit in each other’s faces.

Answer

I wouldn’t say it makes you toxic but there are certainly other ways you could respond if he is trying to feel heard, my husband and I used to fight this way it was a you vs me, rather than just hearing the other person and only focusing on that, and making them feel heard and validated rather than pointing the finger back at them. Because there will be a time you have had enough of something you tell him how you feel, you want to feel heard and validated but if he turns it around and says “well so do you” that helps no one feel heard. It took me many years to learn this and to hope my husband would see that I validate him and meet his needs when he brings something up so he does the same for me.

Answer

I’m a way yes, I tell my husband if something is bothering him then say it but don’t wait until I’m trying to tell you about something that bothers me to bring up what bothers you. If it really bothered you that much then you would’ve said it when he did it, if you did say already say it then there was still no point to bring it back up.

Answer

Don’t bring up stuff when your partner is expressing their feelings because you automatically invalidate their feelings. Try to be a little more understanding and hear them out before speaking.

Answer

It does make you toxic you should address these things when they happen not when you get called out

Is this toxic?

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