Mental Health

I have a two year old and I’m 6 weeks pregnant. We weren’t actively trying to get pregnant but we weren’t preventing it. I’m excited but I’m also anxious. I feel trapped in my life. I absolutely love my daughter but motherhood feels really taxing right now. I had these big dreams as a teenager of owning a business and traveling and doing humanitarian work. My faith was also a huge part of who I was and I married someone in my same faith who now questions it all and I respect his desire to choose what he believes but this isn’t what I thought I’d be experiencing. And I feel like all my paradigms are shifting and I don’t even know how to see the world anymore. We also just moved far away from family and from my really amazing and supportive friend group. I feel no desire to leave the house, I feel no desire to do anything. I feel depressed and I also feel resentful that we moved and I feel guilty for everything I feel and especially guilty that I’m not excited to be pregnant. My daughter is wild and vivacious and strong willed and bold and I love it about her but I also feel like that was me and I don’t have any more of that. I remember being bold and wild and I just don’t even know who I am anymore or how to be me. It feels like being a wife and mother takes up all my time and energy and everything I loved and enjoyed is buried so deep I don’t even know what I love or enjoy anymore. And I feel guilty that I don’t feel like I can engage with my daughter how she needs and deserves. I know people would say “get outside” “take time for yourself” “read a book” but what if you do all these things but when you’re alone with yourself, you just are sitting right back in the sadness and sorrow that you can’t even explain. I know I’m so blessed. So why am I so sad?