What do I do?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years now. At first it was great we would spend so much time together and do everything together now we really don’t he’s out almost every day out to car meets. I tried going to them with him at first but I can’t do it I have very high anxiety and I’ll have a freak out. I want to go to them with him I do, but I just don’t like them or feel comfortable when I’m with him at the car meets. Now here’s the problem I feel like when I suggest something that we can do like watch a show or go out to like a few stores it’s always that he’s too tired. And don’t get me wrong I get being too tired I get that but it’s like he will go out to these car meets as soon as he’s done with work and stay there until 12 am or later. That’s fine it’s something he loves to do but I just want the same energy when it’s something I want to do. My life hasn’t been going great lately so before I would shut down and not talk to anyone now I’ve just been blowing up and taking it out on him. I know that’s not healthy and I know I’m a very toxic person because of that I’m trying to get better in the past 3 months that we’ve had this argument I’ve been going to a therapist to find better coping mechanisms. It just hurts that we will have these screaming matches calm down and talk about it but nothing changes. It’s always the same thing that starts the argument. When I do try and have these conversations without blowing up he doesn’t listen to me he’s just tired from being out all day so I don’t really get anywhere with him during then so the only time we actually talk about any of this is by me blowing up and I hate that I really do but I just don’t know how else to get him to listen to me. I don’t know I just don’t feel important to him anymore I can’t even tell him that because if I do he’ll just blow up in my face and talk about how shitty of a person he is and how he’s “sorry” for not showing me enough love. I don’t mean any of that I don’t want him to feel that way but it’s like he doesn’t show me it he tells me but never shows me. I don’t to leave Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of being alone but I just don’t want to leave I want to fix things but I feel the relationship is just becoming toxic