Please don't judge.....

I know its wrong but I'm done I walk away from my children 3.5 qnd 2.5 and hid and lock myself away in the kitchen, my 3.5 came out the bedroom crying and looking for me thay went to the front door crying and screaming for me to come back and not to leave telling me they miss me and need me but I didn't feel one but of emotion hearing this and stayed away, my 3.5 fell asleep after crying (I've checked them and is OK) I look at my 3.5 and feel nothing not happiness not anger no upset nothing

Back storie..... the last 2 or 3 weeks mainly I've had nothing but bad behaviour not listening hitting me screaming at me hitting siblings whingeing crying and being naughty I'm a single solo parent and have been since my 3.5 was 11 months old nd pregnant with my 2.5 sadly I lost my husband, I've tryed naughty corners talking shouting tapping hand no treats no parks no outings everything they used to be so very good I just can't do it no more and not I don't feel anything what can I do or should I do only thing I know is that I'm a bad person for being like this

Please don't judge me