So it's the end of the year. since prices have been increasing up to 30% and we'd been living paycheck to paycheck anyways, for reasons I should forget because "they were in the past" 🙄🙄🙄 we're not making it financially. (we should as we make more than the average person in our country, but even with low life standards we're still not getting through a month, which is SUUUPER frustrating) I am working a standard double shift every day.

I am pretty exhausted as is. This weekend we had a local holiday, so we had people over until quite late yesterday, and we went out for an office kids party today. Busy weekend. I am undiagnosed but likely a female fenotype asd (I am very alike with my symptoms with my stepson who is diagnosed) So I am already going over physical boundaries and racing towards burn-out quickly. Today my partner asked me to put our 2,5 yo to bed as he'd been doing it all week since I was at work. (He's currently not working and just had the last 8 months off) Our son was fighting me all the way, kicking me while I tried to put on his pj's, putting his feet together so I couldn't get his pants on, just working against me all the way- he only has onesie jammies so I can't put his shirt on first. It was just a struggle. All while I'm struggling, DH is just ignoring the world and watching reels on the sofa.

I finally get LO's pj's on we say goodnight, we brush his teeth, and then it's time for his sleepsack. (he sleeps with jammies, sleepsack and thick blanket because it's currently 12°C (53,6°F) in his bedroom - we're struggling financially - but he didn't want to put it on, he was fighting me and running around his bedroom and I got pretty hurt. And I yelled at him. When finally I got his sleepack on, DH comes walking in with a blamefull look on his face I'm like "Why are you here?" (I'm used to him telling me everything is wrong about me so that's why I reacted the way I did) and he said "pfft well and YOU criticize ME for being too hard on the kids, look at yourself 🙄 then he started walking away and saying things like I shouldn't let him choose his clothes or bed (I was done struggling against my toddler and let him sleep in his brother's bed, which he has for many times before and also by my partner, so I don't see why that's my fault now) and it's basically my fault I get trated the way I do.

When I get back downstairs he tells me he came to check if I needed any help but I snapped at him right away. And I know I did, I might want to believe that he came there with good intentions as he claims, but that's not what it felt like and it's not what I'm used to from him.

Last summer I wanted to leave him but he wanted to drastically change. But I don't trust him having good intentions at this point..

Is that a me problem?

I want to do therapy but we don't have the finances.

I probably should have asked for help earlier iso glaring at him playing on his phone when I was CLEARLY having trouble getting our kid dressed.. but I didn't..

@mommaof4

unfortunately him "trying to give me tips" only include "see that your schedule doesn't work? You're such a bad mom! Why allow him any choices, he's a kid he should just do as he's told! (kid's doctor told me to always let him choose between a or b because he's so very strongwilled but DH never does doctors visits or anything)" overall I've been doing his bedtime for over 2 years until I started doing my second job - to get bills paid - and now since he's been doing it and not keeping to the schedule, that worked, it's causing a lot of issues.

@Rebecca

He has a job but he hasn't worked since March. He's been "off medically" but he exaggerated his illness to his doctor. (This is actually what happened and is not my assumption) So I'm now working double to avoid payments bouncing and to make sure his ex is paid for their kids. (child support, extra's etc..)

But it's hard and it's not enough to pay all the bills and heat our house. So I'm constantly worried about the finances as well.

I am going on 30. I have no future because of the debts and loans I am in because of him.