Am I being unreasonable?

Question

My daughter turns 3 in about 6 weeks. Am I crazy to think that she should be able to clean up her toys with assistance? Im reaching the point where today I had to take half of them and I’ll give them back when she shows she can pick up just one toy. she dumps out her box of toys and plays happily with them for hours. All while I remind her “when it’s time for ___ (lunch, nap, dinner, bed etc.) we have to clean this up, ok?” And she agrees and even repeats back to me what is expected of her. When it comes time to actually do it, she’s screaming hysterically, throwing herself on the floor. Full blown tantrum. I remain calm and tell her we talked about it and it’s now time to clean up, that I’ll her but nothing helps. 
Am I crazy to expect her to be able to pick up one toy? Is putting the toys she refused to clean up away for a while until she can show me she can do it not an age appropriate “punishment”? I’m at a loss.

Answer

Now is a great time to teach how to clean up. Keep your expectations low. It takes time and patience to clean up. That’s hard when so little.
I don’t that punishment will do anything. 
Try to give just one task to clean up at a time while you do the majority. Like “can you pick up the blocks?” And then that might turn into her playing with the blocks while you do the rest, but still thank her for her help. This will evolve into actually putting away toys for the praise. 
Try singing a clean up song. 
Try making it a game. “Can you pick up all the red toys?” “Who can put more legos in the box? Me or you!?”
Avoid yelling and getting frustrated (hard. I know). Yelling will just create an association with cleaning and getting in trouble. Focus on calm positive reinforcement. Still be firm and consistent.

Answer

I think it's unreasonable taking toys away. 
A 3 year olds brain is not developed enough to understand and reason like adults do so punishment is not going to help, only upset her.
It's not unreasonable to task her with helping clean her toys but she's only 3. You can't expect her to know what to do and get it done. You literally have to walk her through it step by step every day during clean up time. 
Something like starting with one specific type of toy, asking if she can please help pick up all of that toy and take them to the place they belong with you then move on to another. As she grows she will be able to understand completing a task without you right by her side guiding her through but it will take time. Also don't be surprised if it becomes overwhelming to her and she cries, has a tantrum, says she's done cleaning before the task is complete. Littles need breaks during tasks sometimes.

Answer

She's old enough to help pick up. Punishment isn't helpful, but she needs to learn there are consequences to not picking up. Toys get lost, sucked into the vacuum or stepped on and broken. Make it into a game if you can. If she keeps refusing to pick up, then we can't play with anything else until what's already out has been put up.

Answer

I meant to hit no, accidentally hit yes.

Answer

My son started consistently picking up his toys around 2.5ish. It takes a lot of patience, especially when the entire toy box is dumped out lol. We put things away by the colors of the rainbow. He’s 3.5 now and puts his toys away on his own

Answer

When my kids do this I get on the floor and start helping them. I’ll start by handing them a toy and tell them where to put it. Usually I get back “I know where it goes!” (Cue need for independence) then they get going on it. I need that too sometimes like I’m overwhelmed with a task and just need to get it started then I’m fine. Yes they are perfectly capable of cleaning up their own toys but they have big feelings they still have to figure out how to manage- that’s where I have to step in and help. Just a suggestion. No criticism, just my two cents.

Answer

Definitely an appropriate age for cleaning up toys. It’s unrealistic to expect them to do it alone and without direction though. My 3 year old does best when it’s a game—who can put a toy away first, who can put away the most toys. He also responds well when I give him very specific instruction like “put your koala stuffy in this bin.” Just being told “clean up your toys” when they have a lot out is overwhelming, it helps to narrow it down to 1 or 2 toys at a time.

Answer

I make my 4yo clean up her stuff. She also vacuums, sweeps, cleans walls, does the dishes. She’s pretty helpful but we expect a lot of self sufficiency from our kids.

Answer

With my day making a game out of it, giving her specific tasks other than just saying clean up like telling her to put the tractors in the bin or racing against a timer have all helped. And I help, sometimes I do 90% of it, others it’s more like 50% of it. Also sometimes I just start cleaning up and then she will start in her own. She turned 3 a little over a month ago and all of a sudden over the past week or two she has been much better about cleaning up on her own, really she has been better about everything in general and we finally got her to potty train.

Am I being unreasonable?

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